Thunderbolt

Easter weekend and it still isn't getting any easier with our issues of breather anxiety. There has been so much resistance and anger recently. Julie takes the brunt of it, which I'm sure accounts for the tension she's feeling in her neck and shoulders. I've tried reasoning and keeping my anger in check. I hate when she gets yelled at. But what is J to do? He's nine. He's acting out and voicing his feelings in the only way he knows how to. Afterward he feels so guilty and there are so many tears. Lost a of tears, lately. I feel the tension, too. Last night I felt like I'd been hit by a f'n truck and was ready for bed by 10:30. Maybe I'm just getting old. Still, it's been a long time since I've gone to bed before 12:00 on a Saturday night when I didn't have a run the next morning. We went to church this morning and I felt a sense of relief during the service. I can't say that I'm a religious man, but I am spiritual and this morning...

I've had a difficult time writing these past few weeks. It seems that every time I click on Facebook or check out one of hte posts my colleagues have written for Popdose I find myself sinking. So much of what I read sounds so much more interesting that what I have to say. All of these friends of mine on Facebook. I check in on their little blurbs of life and feel like I have nothing to contribute. It doesn't help that my body is fighting me and I can't get up and run in the morning. Without that extra jolt of adrenaline in the a.m., I feel thinks slipping away into a haze. I'm working on it, thought. I just have to push through this malaise. I've been in this situation before and it became a very dark time in my life. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.