Sunday, November 29, 2009

I was forwarded a link to some CF blogs by Julie and was blown away by the grace and strength these people, CF patients, write about their lives and what they have gone through. When I read something like that I wonder what, if any, purpose my little blog has in this world. For a time I felt like I was expressing the experiences of a CF parent, but for nearly a year now I have been reluctant to keep regular posts. Part of the reason is fear of sounding whiny. I want to sound strong for my son, yet most of the time I end up speaking about the sadness I deal with and the elephant whenever it rears its head.

The elephant tried to show up on Thanksgiving Day, but I drove it away, mostly through conversation and Jameson's and the company of family. Jameson's is dangerous, I tell you. It's smooth going down and before you now it, you're smashed. Anyway, the elephant loomed all weekend, waiting to pounce, but I managed to keep it together.

See, that's what I mean by sounding whiny. Am I expressing anything new here? Am I helping people understand? I don't know.

Another thing I worry about is telling too much information. As the kids get older, their lives should remain personal, don't you think?

What I should do is take the time to talk about the book and that whole process. At least it would be documented somewhere so my kids could look it up after I kicked te bucket.

"Hey Jake, here's the story of how dad wrote his first book."
"Dad wrote a book?"
"Yeah, it's that think you use to keep the bookshelf balanced."
"Dad wrote that?"

Just kidding. Sophie's been so supportive, believe it or not, she even came up with a cover idea that is actually pretty cool. We'll see what happens.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Jacob's birthday was last weekend and it was a wonderful time. Stressful in parts, but when isn't it stressful when you have a house full of people and a tortoise that doesn't act like you were hoping it would?

That's right, Jake received a tortoise for his birthday. He was shocked and amazed. Immediately he named it "Cap'n K'nuckles" after the character in the cartoon The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. I didn't realize that he liked the character so much on the TV show, but he was insistent that this would be his pet's name.

The Cap'n (one of his nicknames) seems to have a cold and is not eating. I took him to the vet on Sunday and we are now giving him drops in his nostril once a day. Otherwise he doesn't do much right now. Personally, I think he might be trying to hibernate. Then again, whenever we bring him out of his glass case he's very active. I don't know anything about tortoises so so this is a learning experience for all of us.

It was nice having Mom and Dad in town for the weekend. We haven't seen them in months. As we just bought out tickets for the Christmas holidays, I expect that we'll see them at my cousin's wedding on New Year's Eve.

Work has been insanely busy. My determination to complete the revision of my book has prevented me from making entries on this blog. But it is very freeing to be writing on it, as if I can take a deep breath again.


Thursday, November 05, 2009

Friday Night Lights is back on television with new episodes airing on Direct TV. Man, I don't think there is a finer drama airing right now. Sure, there are some exciting mystery/thrillers, but FNL is the type of show that is so rare anymore. It is a family drama that follows characters both in their teens, their early 20's, and then middle aged. Each character is richly drawn and every performance is genuine and heartfelt. Even the assholes show their human sides. I am so glad I took the risk in watching FNL when it began airing 4 years ago. I love this show.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Not completely satisfied with my basement song post this week. I was going in a certain direction and then Julie told me some sad news. She frequented a blog written by a 29 year old woman with cf and that woman died today. Whatever mood I had going into finishing the post was no longer there. I can't even think about it without getting the piercing nose pain that eventually leads to tears.

We have to find a cure. We have to find a cure.

Jake is doing much better and is going to school tomorrow.

Someday, perhaps, I'll return to expressing myself better on this blog. Perhaps after I finish the book.


Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Watched the end of the 1939 Of Mice and Men starring Burgess Meredith and Lon Chaney, Jr. tonight. The staging was a little stiff and some of the acting was a little too theatrical, but the end... oh my, that ending, when Meredith's George finds Chaney's Lenny is still as powerful as it was when I watched it as a teenager. The Aaron Copland score swells and just rips your heart out as the gun goes off and George kills Lenny.

Jake seems to be feeling better, which we're happy about. Still, he's going to stay home tomorrow, too.

I'm trying to refocus on the book and get it done by the end of next week. Too many reviews to write and too many other writing possibilities are distracting me. I have to get it together.


Monday, November 02, 2009

Right now I'm listening to freakin' Whitesnake on my iPod. I know how they got there (I uploaded portions of Rhino's killer collection, The Heavy Metal Box) but I feel like an idiot nodding my head to David Coverdale.

Jacob is sick with the flu. We're not sure if he has the H1N1, but it's been going around his school, so we're being cautious. It freaks me out a little because his pediatrician heard a "rattle" in one of his lungs.

Hold up, have to pause and drive back my fear.

Okay, I'm good. His lungs are healthy. Who knows what "rattle" means? After Jules told me that piece of news I was distracted the rest of the day. Nothing has kept me focused, not even Whitesnake.

Anyway, another mundane Monday comes to a close.


Sunday, November 01, 2009


And so begins the next decade.

I spent the majority of the day acting like a 20 year old screwing around with my new iPod. Julie and the kids got me a 160 gig monster that will hold all of my music and then some. It's going to take some getting used to but I love it.

Jake is sick, he had a fever all day long. His illness negated our plan to drive up to Santa Babara today. So we all just hung out, watched movies, and Soph and I went out to dinner. I can't recall the last time just the to of us went out to eat by ourselves. Have we ever? It was nice.

The past couple of weeks have been strange and surreal. I've heard from people I have not spoken to in twenty years! As a writer I am fascinated about hearing their life stories and the journeys they have been on. At the same time I have to stay focused. I have a job to do and that job is to finish my book. Prioroity number one in the next couple weeks is to have the first revision done and out to people to have it read.

It's easy to look back on the past decade and think about all of the things I wish I could have done different. But the past is the past and I can't change it. I can only learn from what I have done and not done and forge ahead.

What does the next decade hold for me? If I learned anything from turning 30, it's top not predict where I'll be in ten years. Life is too unpredictable. As long as I'm with Julie and the kids I'll be in the right place when I turn 50.

But that's a long way off.