Saturday, December 31, 2005

It's New Year's Eve and we're all kind of veggin' until heading over to Budd and Karyn's tonight. Last night, Jules and I went out for Sushi to celebrate our 12th Anniversary. Lame ass Scott forgot to get a card. Julie got me 2. Hopefully, the roses I bought today will make up for moi's lameness.

I can't say that I've been a great trainer. It's been pouring rain today, so my plans to even go for a walk were put aside. The knee's feeling creaky with all of the moisture in the air. Still, I feel confident that come race time, I will have enough enthusiasm and nervous energy to get through the race. That, and a lot of Advil. At year's end, we have raised $4000. I feel great about that. $5000 is definitely achievable. That's still a lot of money. And whatever Beth brings in will give Team Jacob a huge boost.

So, that's all for 2005. Hope everyone has a safe New Year (whoever you are that are out there reading this.


Thursday, December 29, 2005

The end of the year is upon us and I am feeling better. No, I'm not running again. I have begun riding my bike regularly in the morning just to keep my legs happy. I'm also walking a couple of mornings (and taking the stairs at work). Not really sure how much this will keep me ready for the race in a couple of weeks, but I'm not giving up yet.

So far, we have raised over $3000 this year. I was unsure whether we would be able to generate the $10K we did the past two years. I began the fundraising much later. And with the two major disasters that struck the world in the past year, I was concerned that folks would not have as much to donate. Still, that $3000 is pretty darn good, all things considered. Oh, there's still time. I have to write a follow up letter to send out early next week. And then I just concentrate on the race.

I received a wonderful letter of support from my friend, Phil Sprague. Phil and I go back to high school (and for a while, people would confuse us... I say a while, but it was probably a week). Anyway, he told me that I shouldn't feel guilty if I couldn't run the race; that me being healthy for the family is more important that running 13 miles. And then he ended it by saying that as far as he was concerned, the Sprague family would be making a donation to the CF Foundation every year whether I ran a race or not.

Man, is that cool or what?

We went up to the Gardners' house the day after Christmas and my leg really felt like crap. As I limped about, I expressed my fear of what was wrong with my knee to Tony. He pretty much reiterated what Phil wrote. Family fist, Malchus. If you can't run, don't mess up your body.

Well, I am putting family first for this last race. Jake. After Carlsbad, I'm done running.

That said, I have started looking into bike races for a possible future fundraiser.


Friday, December 16, 2005

I am not sure what I am going to do come January 15th. Whatever it is going on inside my knee is pretty much inhibiting me from being able to run. I woke up this morning, motivated to go out and run for four miles. But I didn't get 50 yards before I knew that it wasn't going to happen. Not today; maybe never again. This is the biggest let down I've had. To not be able to go through with it... it's not an option. I have to run this thing. I made a commitment that other people for which other people are sponsoring me. To not run it would make me feel like a fraud.

And yet, there is also a sense of relief. For weeks I have questioned whether I would be able to run. And now it seems the decision has been made for me.

My only other option is to cross train the next month and hope that I retain whatever muscle memory I have to gut it out in January. Oh, I know I'll be able to run the 13 miles. It's not an issue of endurance. It's just the pain, man. That phrase, no pain, no gain? It's a crock. That's what they preached to me in 8th and 9th grade when I was still playing football. And that's the mentality that helped me shred the ligament in my knee in the first place.

So, tomorrow I will take my bike in to have it repaired and starting Monday, I'll ride my bike in the morning. It's the only thing I can think to do.

You know, I could easily just not run this thing. But I would feel like a fraud. And I've put in the time, you know?

In other events, Mom and Dad are coming into town in Sunday. The kids are stoked. I'm not sure when we will see them next, so I feel like this will be a pleasant visit before my holiday break. I am really looking forward to the time off from work. This year has had so much going on. And I feel like this will be the perfect winding down of the year to reflect on all of the events of the past year and to just appreciate this wonderful family we have.


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

So here I am again. I've returned. It's been a depressing couple of weeks. My right knee has really been troubling me and I was very discouraged about being able to run the half marathon. Add to the mix some of my own personal dramas and you can see why I haven't been to the blog in awhile.

But I'm back to finish what I started. The half marathon is a month away and even if I can't complete my training in full, I WILL run that race in January. I put in too much effort, and too many people have stood behind me and supported me.

The last long run I had was two weeks ago and I was quite happy with the results. 10 miles in just over 2 hours. Not bad. But the rest of the day was painful. My knee was in a lot of pain all day, pain that carried through to Tuesday. No Advil could take away the pain. I took the next week off and I just ran for the first time this morning. It was only 25 minutes, but I felt strong. That is, until I got to work and the pain flared up again.

Not sure what I am going to do. I don't think I can put my body through this for another month. And I do plan on seeing a specialist. However, like I said, I will run that race. I'm just not sure how that day in January is going to go.


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Thanksgiving was really joy this year. Although the sadness of Kathy's death was felt by all, I really thought there was less stress than usual. All of the families had a wonderful time. We played football! I haven't done that in 12 years. I think it was the most enjoyable football game I've had since high school. Of course, I tweaked my knee and have been feeling a twinge ever since. I chose not to run Friday or Sunday, hoping the pain would subside. For the most part, I feel okay. I do get those occasional bouts of fear that I won't be able to walk in ten years or so. Have to push those aside... at least for another month.

Donations have begun to come in. I am happy to say that we've raised over $1000 so far. I'm not sure how much we'll raise this year. Every small bit counts, especially in a year that has seen two major catastrophes in the world.

I've been having some hard days lately. I think about the future and hate that I don't feel optimistic. I want to cry out to the world that my son is going to beat the odds... but there is a crushing feeling in my gut... another voice keeps saying the opposite. I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate myself for admitting these fears and feelings. I want to be full of hope. But too often, I just want to cry and say "why him? Why Jacob?" And I get pissed off at God and want to shout from the roof tops "Take me instead!"

But it doesn't work that way, now does it? I am so thankful for the hope and optimism of our family and friends. They lift me up... they lift us all up. Maybe it's the weather. I hate the cold. Or maybe I'm just feeling weak and useless. I can't fix Cf. I don't have that power. And soon, my body won't allow me to punish it anymore. Then what? What can I do that will inspire people to donate to this cause?

That's the real challenge. Keeping other people involved and supporting the search for a cure. I don't know how Julie can read about the effects of the illness and not be more downtrodden. Me? I feel like I'm betraying our family just writing these feelings. But you all have to know what it's like. You have to know about this rollercoaster. And don't feel sorry for me. Feel sorry and say prayers for the people with CF. They're the ones who need you.

Have to go now.


Monday, November 21, 2005

Ran those 9 miles and man was it a mixture of toughness and just the will to finish the run. The first half, I almost didn't think I would finish. As I turned the corner to the my last half of the run, I wiped out and slammed my shoulder on the cement. Man, that hurt. I toughed it out though and I'm really glad I did it.

Still, not the most enjoyable morning. I was wiped out the rest of the day.

I've given up coffee for awhile (again). The past week I've felt so drained by the end of the day. Even now, at the end of my work day, I'm feeling so much more energized.

Big day for American Standard. There was an announcement in The Hollywood Reporter. Got my name in there and everything. Pretty damn cool. If I do say so myself.

That's all for today.


Friday, November 18, 2005

Been a tough week getting motivated to run. Lots of issues dealing with the whole writing thing. I know, stop complaining, right? Today is the last day of shooting for American Standard. That's pretty darn exciting. Let's all hope it turns out as great as we hope it can. After working a month on a project with Wes' friend, had to ditch it because there is an exact duplicate project going on with a big studio. That's been the frustrating and depressing element of the past couple days. Sometimes, being a writer sucks.

So, with the thought of having to come up with some new ideas, plus trying to thing of a plot for Soulless 2, I didn't run very long this morning. That's not good, since I have to run 9 miles this Sunday, Man, am I going to be hurting come Monday morning.

We've raised 800 dollars so far, which is pretty good all things considered. Not sure how much we'll end up raising this year. I started LATE and it's been a rough year for people financially. I received a great letter from a former co-worker, Lindsay Rogers. He used to work with me at Klasky Csupo and was a constant ray of support and optimism. The envelope was decorated by one of his daughters (at least, I assume it was one of his daughters). On it, there was a circle around the words Cystic Fibrosis with a slash through the words (think Ghostbusters). How thoughtful that they took the time not only to write a kind letter, but to show support and enthusiasm with the artwork. I think it is very touching.

Jake is on Pulmicort for a month, in place of his dosages of Cromolyn. Pulmicort is a steroid. He was put on it because he's had a cough every time he gets really excited (like running or, especially, when Sophie makes him laugh REALLY REALLY hard). I can't tell you how painful it is to write that he even has a small cough. I don't want to have these symptoms of Cf. I know that's selfish because there are so many kids sicker than Jake, but it's how I feel.

I've said this before, but it's worth repeating. You live your day in this sort of vacuum. A routine forms and the constant reminder of the illness kind of gets placed away somewhere where you don't collapse from angst and stress. But the moment you acknowledge that something has changed... that something may be getting worse... it's a little devastating. And a piece of you crumbles.

Running 9 miles suddenly seems like nothing.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Woke up to run on Sunday but the Santa Clarita Marathon had all of my regular running paths closed off. Decided to head home and spend time with the family. On Saturday, the kids and I prepped all of the letters and sent out 90. Each letter included two magnets. I also sent 120 to Beth, leaving me with around 200... or so I thought. Spoke with Dave this afternoon and he still has 500 more magnets. Yeesh.

Have to get up and run tomorrow and get back into the swing of things. I only have to run 6 miles this weekend, so I'm not too concerned that I missed last weekend. I nearly did 9 the previous weekend, so I believe I'll be fine.

Jake seems to have worked through most of his cold. He does have a little cough, though, which concerns us. Julie called the clinic this afternoon.

Heading home soon.


Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Did a long run on Sunday. 8 1/2 miles , maybe a little more. Turns out I only needed to do 6 miles and 8 this weekend. Perhaps I should pay attention to my training schedule. Nevertheless, I was very pleased with myself because I was able to switch up to a 4/1 run walk ratio half way through the run. When I was done, though... Oh boy, were my legs sore. Can getting older really mean this much pain?

speaking of getting older, yesterday was my birthday. The day began really nice, but then something turned while driving to work. I listened to some Springsteen and having that alone time in my car made me reflect on my age, what it means for CF patients, and how much I love my family. I was crying by the time I arrived in Burbank and never quite recovered until the end of the day.

Steve sent me some nice emails. Can't believe he remembers my birthday each year. I'm so lame to forget his. Well, I don't forget it. I just miss it... which may be worse. I mean, plan ahead Malchus.

In the end, I got home and the kids sand me a rousing version of the "Bear in the Blue House" birthday song, and I couldn't stop smiling. I am so lucky to have these two little ones love me so much. So often, I don't feel like a great dad. But I can see in their eyes that I'm doing an okay job. And Jules made a tremendous lasagna. After the kids were in bed, we just cuddled. I had told her about my stress, and she really helped me relax and comforted me.

Don't know if 36 is significant year, but I'll remember this one.

Got up and ran this morning, but only managed 20 minutes. I think that knowing I wouldn't have to increase my mileage this week allowed me to slack a bit.

The letter is written./ The magnets are in (and look awesome...thanks Dave.) Everything gets shipped this weekend. Hopefully the emails will go out sooner. No promises.


Friday, October 28, 2005

So the new routine of Wednesday/Friday seems to work. I got up at 5:30 again this morning and was out by 6:20. Decided to reverse my route to mix things up. Boy, it really played a trip on my head. By about the third mile, I started anticipate[anticipating when I would reach my next landmark. And when another jogger passed me, I really got anxious, just like a real race situation.

Turned out to be a good thing, though. I worked through the anxiety and ended with the same time I would had I run the regular route.

Great news to pass on: I am now officially a paid writer. The American Standard began filming this week and I got the check today. I can't describe how accomplished I feel. Feels great. Now, on to the next one.

That's all for now.


Monday, October 24, 2005

Yesterday's run was pretty good. It began a little slow and I wasn't sure if that had to do with it being 6:30 on a Sunday morning, or my own weary body. But I was amazed that by mile 6 I felt great and even considered extending the run past 7 miles. I'm glad I did not. My shoes, on their last legs, are shot and my legs were killing me all day.

While running, I also came up with a new plan. I think that next year I'll run in the Santa Clarita Marathon/1/2 marathon instead of whatever run the Cf Foundation is involved with. Not only will it be less hassle, but the training will end before Thanksgiving and I can use the holidays to recoup instead of stressing over missed long runs.

On another level, it feels appropriate to have the training and fundraising culminate so close to Jake's birthday (the SC Marathon is in early November). So, that's the plan for next year, Until then... Carlsbad here we come.


Friday, October 21, 2005

Had an awesome run this morning. 4 miles is just under 45 minutes. Woke up at 5:30 (not entirely by choice) and got out of the house around 6:10. The weather was cool, but not so cold that I needed sweat pants, like Wednesday. As I circled back toward home, the sun broke over the horizon and the sky came alive with a glowing yellow and orange hue. The trail I ran lead behind a subdivision and huge stacks of woodchips sat off to the side of the pavement. Steam rose from these sweet, woodsy smelling masses, reminding me of oversized dung heaps.

As more light came upon the day, I was amazed to see my breath. Was it really that cold out? I hadn't felt this good running in a long time. Maybe it's Beth becoming a part of the team and feeling a challenge. Maybe it's me just getting my ass in gear, finally. Not sure, but it felt great to bee running.

Got to work and Dave had emailed me the proofs for the magnets. We should have them in a couple of weeks. They look great. Sophie's design is wonderful.

Something about a good run in the morning. Puts me in the right frame of mind to have a good day.


Thursday, October 20, 2005

So, it's great to see that Beth has made an entry. Very exciting to me.

Had another one of those moments this morning. Jake asked how old I am. I said, "I'm 35, Jake." He said, "I'm 34, Daddy." The cuteness of that exchange was ruined in my head when the first thing that came to mind was the mediaan age of people afflicted with Cf.

Even an innocent moment with my son is ruined by this disease.


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Hi All:

I am feeling great since Sunday's 1/2 in Columbus. It looks like I have a head start on Scott. However, Scott has the younger age going for him come January. Oh and weather...(i.e., Ohio winter begins tomorrow - so the weather man says.) Well - I am off to lift some weights. Peace Beth PS - the start time is 6:30 that is 9:30 Ohio time.
A small reminder of the nature surrounding our neighborhood: This morning, as I ran for 40 minutes, a woman stopped me to pint out a coyote that was roaming around one of the new developments. She was nervous and walked off in the opposite direction. I stood and stared at the coyote for a moment before it turned and darted back into some brush and probably wandered into the hills.

It's easy to forget that these animals inhabited the land we live on before some developer decided that Santa Clarita was the new hot spot to live.

My run this morning felt very good. I'm always amazed that after several days off, I'm not as lethargic as I think I should feel. Gives me hope that I'll be okay come January. I just have to stay motivated.

worked on the letter yesterday. Waiting to hear back from Dave.


Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Ran this weekend, but not the full 7 I was supposed to. Wanted to get home and clean the house some before Jules and the kids returned from Ohio. I was geared up to run this morning, but it was pouring rain. No one in their right mind would go out in this weather.

Beth called on Sunday and she completed a half marathon that day. Way to go Beth. She's all set to take care of her portion of this year's marathon.

On "Grey's Anatomy", a medical drama we watch on Sunday's, one of the hospital patients was a man afflicted with CF. I know it was fiction, but both Julie and I were a little disappointed with the portrayal. As sick as this guy's lungs were supposed to be, he did not have a cough, and he looked way too healthy (despite the plot line that he was a triathlete). Still, for thee millions of viewers who watched that show that night, CF was in their minds and they couldn't help but be moved when the character died during surgery. The writers were smart to have his reason for being hospitalized have something to do with his pancreas and not the lungs.

When he did die, I was sad and a little pissed. Is this the only end for CF patients on TV. Jake had joined us on the couch and I held his arm while the scenes played out.

I should be doing more. Have to write my letter. Feeling like I'm letting everything slide.


PS- Invited Beth to join in on the blog entries.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Julie and the kids have been away all week and it's been a struggle to get up and running. I hate when they're away because I end up staying awake too late. For example, why would anyone sit through 5 hours of Lord of the Rings movies unless they had a lot of time on their hands. They come tomorrow and I'm very excited. My lack of dedication is bothering me, though I do not fear that I won't be able to run the half marathon.

Spoke with Dave earlier in the week and the magnets should be here in two weeks. I'm going to work on my letter next week and have it ready by the time the magnets arrive.

This year really has been different than the other two. I feel like there is so much going on. Not just activities, but also just mental fatigue. My new MP3 player is now chock full of music. More music than I'll probably ever listen to (at least, during a ha;f marathon).

I really like the new job. I think this is a great working environment and a place to grow. Feels strange that I'm saying that at age 35. Shouldn't I already be set in the career I'm want? Then again. I have a couple movies being made within the next six months, so I should stop whining. I like animation and it continues to provide for us. If I can continue to work here while writing scripts, life will be awesome.


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Once again, a successful morning run. Still didn't get in the full time I was supposed to. I guess I'll have to wake up earlier. Great. Still, with the new MP3 player, the music really carried me along and I felt like the running was becoming a little easier.

Jules and the kids are going back to Ohio for a week starting Saturday and I'm already missing them. With the new job keeping me later into the night, my evening quality time with them is limited. And the mornings... Well, let's just say no one is at their best in the morning, except maybe Sophie. She always has a smile on her face. She received an award at school yesterday for excellence in reading. I'm so proud of her. I have to watch myself, though. She got a grade on giving an oral report to her class and everything was "Outstanding" except for one "Good" and I immediately commented that she didn't get a "perfect" grade. What's up with that, man? Instead of looking at the immensely positive of the grade, I zeroed in on a negative.

Man, that's something I thought I'd never do and I really have to become more aware of it. Just another sign that I am more like my parents than I thought.

But, back to my point. I feel like my quality time with the kids has been slipping away. I relish the weekends more than ever. I know it's just a week, but I'm going to be pretty lonely by myself, that's for sure. Perhaps I'll see some movies. I doubt I'll get any writing done. What I write next is kind of up in the air. My mind's still not in it, yet. Yet, I'll continue to use this new energy for running and press harder the few days I don't have to be home to help get Soph ready for school.

That's all for now.


Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Ran for almost 30 minutes this morning. I was tired getting up, but one I got out there, the cobwebs cleared and I felt good. Need to get new shoes this weekend. These old ones (whoch are a 1/2 size too big) have lost their cushion. My legs are achy every time I complete a run.

Purchase a new MP3 player yesterday. Nothing fancy, just something to use for my runs to help pass the time.

Not much to report on our front. Work is going well. Heard from Steve this afternoon. Always good to talk to him. Watched some more of that Scorsese Dylan documentary and ow I'm of to bed.


Monday, October 03, 2005

After not running all of last week (can we really count my Monday run?), I hit the pavement on Sunday morning with new vigor. The first week of work was behind me. The rewrites of American Standard are of the past. And all of the hanging chads that needed to be worked out in order for us to move on had been accounted for. So, when I took off running Sunday (which will become my new long run day), I had a calmness about me that I had not had in a long time.

I attacked my old foe, the Decoro hill, and was pleased that I was winded when I reached the top. I was actually pushing myself instead of going trhough the motions. And man, my body STILL hurts. But it's a good pain. A reminder that I'm out to raise money to beat this disease.

The magnet design has been sent to Dave (and he received it) and so far, it looks like we'll have the magnets by the end of October. I have a couple of weeks to write the leeter, so I better get started.

I feel positive about the run for the first time since I began. Figures it was at the turn of the month.


Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The week is half over and I ma very excited about the new job. There is a lot of adjusting to do, but I still feel this will pay off in the long run. I completed my revision of The American Standard and I believe I will have limited interaction with the production from here on out. Not because I want it that way. It's just the way events have been playing out. Bummer.

I ran Monday and today and plan to get up tomorrow and run a third day. After taking most of the last two weeks off, I feel good about getting out there so early in the morning. I am sending off a magnet design to Dave this week and hope to have my letter out before the end of October. I feel like it's really lat to send out the letter and this is a little stressful. But I feel like it's been a weird time in our country, what with the two disasters that shook Louisiana.

That said, I know that the CF Foundation is working to help those victims from the hurricanes who suffer from CF. That is a point I may bring up in my letter.

Spoke with Beth over the weekend and she's training hard. I'm excited that Team Malchus will have two participants this year.


Saturday, September 24, 2005

I must apologize for the long delay. A lot has gone on in the past two weeks and the decisions I made took precedence (and energy from) over writing in the journal.

I have left my job at Klasky Csupo to take a new job at Cartoon Network. It was a difficult decision to make, but I feel it is one that will lead to greater benefits. What that has meant is training my replacement at an earlier hour than I am used to and taking away from my training time. The new job begins on Monday and I should feel anxious. However, I have been dealing with other professional issues that I have not had time to dwell on the change ahead of me.

See, I've been revising a draft of one of my scripts, "The American Standard", which has been optioned and will go into production in late October of this year. This draft was a challenge because I'm no longer the guy who created the project. Now, that title falls to the director and I am the writer. It's something I thought would be easy to relinquish once the project got funded, but I must admit it's been difficult to let go. You spend years of your life working and reworking a story idea, and at some point your involvement dwindles.

Ironically, I wrote this script to be just that kind of project. And since the funding came through and a director was chosen, I have come to terms with everything. I completed a new draft of the script on Friday and I'll pretty much find out tomorrow if the producers want me to continue writing on the project or whether they'll go back to the director (or another writer). Whatever they decide, I'm glad I have Monday to distract me form a) the disappointment or b) the continued stress on writing. That said, I have learned that two of the producers are happy with the latest draft, so the stress of waiting has been lifted.

I didn't run this morning. I am a little bummed, but I know I can make it all up this week. I plan to get back on track this week and really dedicate myself. In addition, I have come up with artwork for magnets and pens this year (through Dave, of course. Once these promotional items are complete, I'll send my fundraising letter out.

So, the big changes begin on Monday. It's very exciting, but a little sad. I did love working with Barbara and the people at Klasky Csupo. But the time was right. And I felt that the job coming to me like it did was a sign that the time is now.


Monday, September 12, 2005

It's been a long week and there was so much going on that I couldn't muster the energy to write. Sad, I know. I was so damned stressed that I had stomach aches by the end of last week.

I have taken a new job at Cartoon Network. The opportunity arose and I felt that I shouldn't pass it up, not with the way things are going at Klasky Csupo. I'm not sure if there would be a job for me at KC past October. The risk of losing our benefits is something we can't take. Although I initially turned down this job, the news of KC looked even grimmer a day later and I immediately called my friend who offered me the job to see if it was still available. It was.

The nerve racking part is that it's less pay and, of course, trying to figure out the benefit situation. We spent all last week going over our finances and looking for ways to make it work. I believe we've come up with a solution. It's not perfect, but we'll be able to stay on our feet.

The constant stress about this job situation made it twice as hard to concentrate on running. I did run three times last week, but after I accepted the job, my body was ravaged. I had internalized so much stress that I had used up as much energy as when I run long distance. When Saturday came, I was too exhausted to get up and run.

On top of this stress was the delivery of a draft of my script for "The American Standard", a film that is being produced later this year. This new version of the script was not written by me and there were some significant changes to it. It has been an eye opening experience dealing with the optioning and the production of this script. I mean, once you hand it off to someone and sign the papers, it's not really yours any more. Having had almost complete control over "King's Highway", this was a rude awakening to the real Hollywood machine. All weekend long I worried about why the script was altered and whether I would remain involved with the project (and would I be sharing the writing credit).

I got my answers today and I am a little bummed by what I was told. I hope to be involved with further revisions.

This is a strange time. Starting a new job. Finally accomplishing the sale of a script. I should be so much happier. But I still have so much anxiety and uncertainty that I'm consuming mass quantities of Tums. I could barely muster 15 minutes of running before my head got the better of me and my body shut down.

You come out here and you chase the dream. And really, the dreams have been achieved. A loving wife. The greatest kids you could ever imagine. A couple of movies. From the outside my reality must look pretty awesome. So why do I feel so glum? Why can't I just revel in the good fortune?


Tuesday, September 06, 2005

It's been a long day. We took Jake for a doctor's appointment today and they had to take x-rays and draw blood. Although those two parts of the visit were difficult (Jake is quite a fighter), the good news is that he gained 4 pounds and grew an inch. We're thrilled, to say the least. As I sit here now, I'm wiping away tears, though. I know, I know, it's just a television show, but the end of tonight's "Rescue Me" ripped my heart out. The son of a main character was killed and it was heart wrenching to watch. I kept sitting there, hoping, praying that this imaginary character would live, but knowing that he would not.

Great art will do that to you. Obviously, I thought of my own children. No, I don't expect them to die. But life is so fragile. One slip and everything changes. I would be nothing without Julie, Sophie and Jacob. Those three people make me a complete human being. My life is meaningless without their presence.

I received several bootlegs of Springsteen's tour (have I mentioned that?) and there is a new acoustic version of "The Rising" that I can't get out of my head. Even now, three years later, that song resonates with me. It will be forever connected to my children.

I love them dearly and will continue to do my best for them.


Sunday, September 04, 2005

A quiet weekend for us. Seann's fiance, Natalie, is in town until Tuesday and she is up visiting with him. I ran 4 miles yesterday despite not really training during the week. Somehow I completed it 2 minutes shorter than last week. Go figure. The effects of Hurricane Katrina still linger on all of our minds. It's difficult to grasp, sometimes, that the devastation that looks like a third world country is actually a part of our United States. It is equally strange that our lives out here in California go on like normal, and these poor people are living in misery. Reminds me of the days following 9/11 and we all had to return to work. I can remember driving in my car, watching people casually go to work, singing with their radios, and I thought, "How can you act like the world hasn't changed?"

I feel a little like that now. We've all changed.

Spent the night with the Malchus' of Stevenson Ranch. After a great dinner, Budd, Seann, Natalie, Budd's neighbor, Tracy, and I went to Doc's, a dark, hole in the wall bar close by. The music was loud and you could barely speak to each other. It was kind of nice to get out, but I would have preferred to go out with Jules somewhere. It's been too long since we had an evening to ourselves.

Today was very laid back. Cleaning the car, a little shopping, etc. We all look forward to an extra day off tomorrow.


Thursday, September 01, 2005

Woke up this morning with every intention of running 45 minutes. I didn't get a hundred yards past the front door and I turned around. The devastation and horror of the aftermath of Hurrican Katrina and what it has done to New Orleans really got to me this morning.

What right do I have to ask for money when there are thousands of people now homeless and dead? I just couldn't run. So I returned home to think about it all and to thank God for the safety of my family.

If you're a reader, please give to the Red Cross or any one of the charities helping the victims of this disaster.

Thank you.

Monday, August 29, 2005

The memorial service was lovely and the tribute to Kathy was very heartwarming. Karyn, Cindy and Ginger all got up to speak (as did her brother, Tony) and I can't believe that they were able to keep it together. I know that people talk about there being a sense of "closure" once the funeral takes place (I've even said that), but there really isn't, is there? Just because you spend a day speaking loving words and looking at pictures and greeting relatives you haven't seen in decades (or ever met) and friends paying respect and listening to your loved one's favorite songs (or songs chosen at random by someone trying to help out) and drinking away your sorrows and crying, crying, crying and finally crying one last time until you're too exhausted to keep your eyes open doesn't make the pain go away or the fact that your mother, sister, aunt, or best friend died and you'll never be able to hug them again in this life.

A part of you is missing now. And even thought my situation with Matt is so very much different than what these women are going through, I still understand a little of the pain.

Now begins the difficult task of returning to whatever is expected to be normalcy in their lives. But, there is no normal anymore because those frequent phone calls and the visits once a month aren't going to happen ever again. And that, I feel, is the most devastating part about death. The finality.

You want to know what scares me the most about Cystic fibrosis. It's that finality that looms over ever victim's life. That finality that pushes you harder to try and make things better and that finality that leads to the guilt and shame when you aren't trying hard enough.

Kathy was a remarkable woman, more so than I ever knew. And in her death she was watching over our family in more ways than one. On Thursday we were informed that we were to inherit her car. I was shocked and felt so blessed. I have been worrying so much about my car giving out and the idea of having a car payment is so daunting. This was her first gift to us over the weekend. The second came on Saturday night returning from Lakewood. Our van began to make some strange noises and didn't feel like it was running properly. Just as we pulled into our drive way, it began making a terrible grinding noise that could only indicate trouble.

Sure enough, the van broke down on us Sunday morning just around the corner from our house and it needs a new transmission. Expensive? Hell yes, kimosabes. But can you imagine what it would have been like to have our car breakdown two hours from home, at 10:00 pm on a congested freeway and two sleeping kids in the van. Kathy guided us home that night and made sure we arrived safely. I know this sounds all new age touchy feely, but her spirit was with us. There is no other explanation in my mind.

God bless Kathy wherever her spirit is roaming now. And I hope she bumps into Matt up there. I know he would like Kathy.


Friday, August 26, 2005

Tomorrow is Kathy's memorial service and I feel anxious about it. I think it's just that I know there is going to be a lot of tears and I'm unsure how well I can comfort someone in that situation. I know to offer love and hugs, but that sometimes doesn't feel like enough. I have to get up and run 4 miles tomorrow. My end goal and the reason I'm running is of great importance, but right now, running does not feel so vital that I need to write about it.


Thursday, August 25, 2005

It’s an obsession. You’re driving down the street and you begin to wonder how many miles it is from this street sign to the traffic light. How long would it take to run up that long hill near your daughter’s school? And you think about how cool it will be when you actually do run that hill. You worry about getting new shoes and when you’ll be able to afford them. You question the strength of you knee and back not because you’re worried about being able to walk in ten years, but because you’re worried about finishing the run. You’re bummed when your MP3 player finally breaks down because you look forward to the blending of reality (running) and what’s going on in your head as you listen to those songs. Weights star to pop back into your head and you contemplate pulling out the dumbbells one more time. Along with those 40 crunches you do each morning, the Yoga tape suddenly get dusted off. And then there’s what you eat. You make goals for yourself. Limited coffee. No cream (yeah right). No Coke (a tough one, but doable). Not too many snacks and more fruit in your diet (because there are few vegetable your really like). The run becomes a part of your life. It is an obsession.

It’s an obsession. How many enzymes did I just give him? Is that enough? What if he eats less than I gave him? What if he eats more? I wish he’d eat more because I really want him to gain weight. What exactly is he eating? Chips again? Can’t he eat a yogurt instead? Speaking of yogurt, how can one kid put down four Gogurts at once? Why doesn’t he like more foods? Eat your spaghetti. You have to eat it, we just gave you enzymes. You need to eat that food. It will help you grow. He’s drinking milk again. I know it’s good for him, but doesn’t he need something solid in his tummy. You’re so glad that the enzymes situation seems to have been figured out. It took 3 and a half years. But he now seems to be gaining weight on a regular basis. You worry about how much fat is in everything. And when you do something knuckleheaded like going to McDonald’s without the enzymes, you feel like a terrible parent. Shouldn’t I know better by now? What’s the matter with me? It’s all you think about when you’re making dinner or serving a snack. You want to be completely in the moment, but there’s always that little voice, calculating the number of enzymes. It is an obsession.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Ran yesterday and I was surprised how easy it was to wake up at 5:30. Scary. I'm slipping into my groove so soon. This is a pleasant surprise. Spoke with Cousin Dave this afternoon and we've brainstormed on a couple of new ideas for fundraising this year. Our conversation reminded me that the web page needs to be updated. I'll get on that tomorrow.

I guess it's time to get to work on my letter. Every year it gets more difficult to figure out what I should say. For a man who has so much time and so many words swirling around in his head, it sure is hard to find the right words.

The kids are in bed and I have to check on some things for Karyn. I'm helping out for the memorial service this weekend. Nothing big, but I need to get to work now.


Sunday, August 21, 2005

Julie and I watched a remarkable documentary on The Learning Channel called “The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off”. Remarkable not because it was some boring scientific expose on a rare genetic disease called ( ), but because it showed how great the human spirit can be. The subject of the special, Jonny Kennedy, was 36 when he died from this disorder. Here is the synopsis from TLC’s website:

Thirty-six-year-old Jonny Kennedy was born with a terrible genetic condition called dystrophic epidermolysis bullosa, which meant that his skin literally fell off at the slightest touch, leaving his body covered in agonizing sores and leading to his final fight against terminal skin cancer.

In his last months, Jonny decided to work with a filmmaker to document his life and death. The result is a film that tells the uplifting, confounding and provocatively humorous story of an amazing man on a mission to make his final days on earth memorable

While it did show the horrific effects of this disease, it also showed this man trapped in a boy’s body accepting his fate and living each day to fullest. Yes, it was sad, but Jonny was a wily man and the special was full of humor… lots of laughs. I recommend everyone trying to watch this special. Be warned, though, there are a couple of graphic scenes showing his sores.

After it was over, both of us couldn’t help but feel there were some parallels to what has happened with Karyn’s mother. And the life affirming message that Jony gives is one of hope. That there is a better place after this world. How else could one endure such pain and survive. I know I thought of Jacob many times during the viewing. I pray that he never experiences pain as grave as what we saw. I hope that he has a relatively normal life and lives to be an old man. We don’t want him going through life thinking that his is limited because of his illness.

Appropriately enough, yesterday was the official day of my marathon training. I ran two miles in the morning in a little under 30 minutes. I am using a 3/1 run/walk ratio. So far, I don’t feel much pain in my knee and my back pain seems to have subsided for the time being. Knowing that I’m going to commit to this race again has cleared my head, in a way. Suddenly I’m thinking about what foods to eat. How to limit my snacking, and when I should be stretching. And, of course, I’m thinking about the letter I have to write.

This has been a hard year for us. Two prominent deaths. I thought about Matt again today. I read an article that mentioned Dylan’s “Love Minus Zero/No Limit” and I decided to throw on the “Bringing It All Back Home” LP I have in my closet. As the vinyl crackled and the songs played back, there I was again, in my parent’s basement back in ’92.

For a week straight, Matt and I hung out down there, drinking and listening to Dylan music. This record in particular was on a lot and just the sound of those songs brings back Matt to me. I guess Matt embraced life. That’s what I’ve been told. Personally, I thought he was reckless after he was diagnosed with diabetes. But I didn’t really know him for that period of his life… his last few years. The Matt I will remember is the man who taught me to play “Book of Dreams’ on the guitar so I could serenade Julie and propose to her. He will be the man who stood by me in my most difficult times of childhood and adolescence. And he will be the man who guided me through some dark, uncertain times before I met Julie.

Steve called again tonight. I feel like he and I talk so much more than we have in the past. I am so glad about that. I think Matt’s death has reminded us of how fragile our lives are and how important it is to maintain a degree of connected ness with the people we love. I wish I’d been able to reconnect with Matt.

The last night he was in North Olmsted back in ’92 before he moved to Seattle, we met at some shitty dive bar to have drinks. As usual, I played DJ and selected some songs I thought fit the spirit of the night. I found a live version of Springsteen’s “Bobby Jean” and those lyrics seem fitting now:

“Well I came by your house the other day
Your mother said you went away
She said there was nothing that I could have done
There was nothing nobody could say
Me and you we’ve known each other
Ever since we were sixteen
I wish I would have known
I wish I could have called you
Just to say good-bye, Bobby Jean”

How does Matt tie into the first item of this entry? I’m not sure. He died alone. I guess that’s very sad to me. He loved company. He loved people. But I’m not sure, in the end, he loved life. I don’t know.

I believe we’re all here for a purpose. Can we teach each other something? Can we help each other? I hope I can help people continue to understand about Cf. I hope I can help a cure be found. But I believe my most important purpose is to guide my kids to become better people than I ever will be. To make them better humans so that the world can become a better place.

Man, does that sound corny.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Thursday again and it's been an eventful week. Sophie began the first grade yesterday and I am proud to say that she did fine. Julie is really sad that Sophie will be gone most of the day. But Sophie, so far, has been doing fine with the transition. Then again, it's only been two days. The four of us went to her new school together yesterday. I will always remember the ride up to the school and Elton john's "Tiny Dancer" playing on the radio. I feel like she's growing up so fast. Then I'll come home to find her and Jacob running around like maniacs. These simple reminders are all I need to let me know that she's going to be a kid for a while still. But I need to record these moments in my brain.

Jacob has been growing, too. We have been pleasantly surprised at how full his face is becoming, and that he fits in 3T clothes, even outgrowing some of the three size shirts he wears. Although he is still shorter than kids his own age, I don't feel that it's so noticeable that people may comment. We've also noticed that his appetite is increased as well. It may be due to an increase in his medicine, Megesterol. Could it be that we finally have some control over his enzymes? Let's hope so. But, he isn't growing fast enough for himself. Jake wants to be bigger. He wants to be a grown up. Or at least as big as Sophie. He cried yesterday because he was going to miss her while she was gone all day. Luckily, Jules has some fun activities planned for him throughout the Fall.

I began running this week, although the official half marathon training begins this Saturday. Ran 2 miles on Tuesday and two more today. I felt like I had good form. Was really winded toward the end of the run. Man, I'm out of shape. I look forward to training for the half. There’s a lot less pressure, and I know I can finish this race. Beth still wants to come out and participate with me. I think that will be great. And Seann said he would help fundraise, too. Maybe we could actually raise close to $15 thousand this year. That would be awesome.

All of the good feelings this week have been tempered by the fact that Kathy passed away on Saturday. While it is easy to say that her passing was a blessing to be over the horror of her cancer, the pain is still there. Karyn, Cindy and Ginger have a difficult time ahead of them. This is not something that will dissipate in the air. Whatever we can do for them, we will be there.

Julie went down to Lakewood on Saturday and she came back shell shocked and exhausted. She couldn't believe how withered Kathy was. The disease ate away at her body. But she was a hell of a woman and I know that there was no way it could tear into her soul. When we saw her several weeks ago, Kathy was as spirited as I'll always remember her. And because that was my last image of her, I'm having a hard time grasping her death. Am I numb because of everything I went through with Matt's death earlier this year? It just doesn't seem real. I know that when the memorial service is held next week, it will definitely sink in. Bless her soul.


Thursday, August 11, 2005

It's been a long week and I haven't run or walk at all. Karyn's mom health has deteriorated and we're not sure how long she has. Jules and I have tried to help out as much as possible. The best that we can do right now is watch Max, Zach and Megan. Those kids were at the house Tuesday, Wednesday and today. I took the day off yesterday and we all went to the beach. I am amazed at how these kids are going with the flow. Though, I'm not sure how aware they are that their Nana is dying.

The specter of death has hovered closely this week. Tuesday the 9th would have been my oldest friend, Matt Brookshire's birthday. He passed away in February and I have been dealing with that situation all year.

I know I have spoken about Matt in the past and his death came as a shock to everyone who knew him. The two of us went so far back, I don't recall how we met. I look back at pictures from 1st grade and there we are, the two of us in the same class. How did we meet? What made us become friends? And what made the friendship so strong that it endured for over 30 years. I miss him dearly even though we were out of touch for the last two years of his life.

Not a week went by that I didn't think about calling him to see how he was doing. Sadly, I had lost his phone number. Then, last Christmas I gathered the courage to call his mom and ask for his address and phone number. We had sent Christmas cards every year, and I sent him the Cf Marathon letters, but I never heard back. Still, I never received those letters and cards back from the post office. I thought that in a small way I was trying to stay in touch, even though it wasn't as personal as I would have liked.

When I called Mrs. Brookshire, I discovered that he was, in fact, still living at the same address. I felt angry back then. Why hadn't he at least sent some sort of letter? I didn't expect money.

I only have the words of his brother as to why Matt never called or wrote. I don't care to go into that because there's no point. Matt was an individual with his own remarkable view on life. He wanted to be Hemingway. Bukowski. Henry Miller. His life was his novel, so to speak. But Matt also suffered from diabetes and for a good portion of the time he had diabetes, he did not take care of himself. He drank a lot and like to indulge in good food. He didn't want to give up the pleasures in life. At least, that was the way he was the last time I saw him.

What he was like his last two years I'll never know. We had a very private relationship and we shared secrets. And he will always be a brother to me. His passing has left a void in my life. I am not sure when or if I will ever be over his death. If he had this kind of effect on me, you can imagine how his mom and brother's lives have been shattered.

Wherever his spirit is roaming, I know he is at peace. His influence is felt in everything I have written so far. King's Highway has a character based on him. And my latest script, Blood Brothers, is really about the two of us and how we grew apart.

Happy birthday, Matt, wherever you are. I love you, brother.


Sunday, August 07, 2005

The back is finally feeling good enough that I'm going to get up again tomorrow and walk. I'll try to put in a couple of run cycles just to test everything. But I'm going to run the half marathon. It's already in my mind that I'm going to do it, so it's just a matter of when I'm going to run full time.

This was a great weekend. Jake and I spent a lot of the day together while Julie took Sophie shopping for new school clothes. The two of us did some errands, with was awesome. I remember having days like that with Sophie and I wish I had more with Jake. I’m sure they will come. As for Soph, she's just growing up too fast. 1st grade, man. Blows me away, know what I mean.

Found out my dad is having an angiogram sometime when he returns from his Ohio vacation. Budd told me that today. The fact that Beth told him, and I spoke to her for a half hour and it never came up was a little weird. But, par for course with our family. I'm a little concerned but will wait until I get to speak to him this week.

Note to self: Get dad a birthday present. And try to get something besides a book, dude. I know he likes to read... but every Father's day and birthday? Time to put some more thought into it. Of course, his birthday was last week.

Karyn's mom is doing worse. The brain tumors are bearing down on her. We're not sure how long it will be. Even writing that feels like a betrayal, like giving up. But I don't want her to be in pain. Tough, tough situation. I wish I could do more them. Julie has been such a good sister to Karyn. This morning Karyn called and just started telling me what is going on. That was a first since Kathy was diagnosed. Usually she would ask for Jules. I think Karyn just needed to unload right away and I was the one who answered. I felt pretty useless. Lots of "I'm sorry, Kar." Then I asked if talking to Julie would help and she said it would.

It doesn't seem right that life should end in this messy fashion. Then again, we live with this disease in our family and it doesn't seem right that a child should have to suffer from Cystic fibrosis.
Got a call from Beth today

Beth called and we chit chatted for a few minutes until she proposed the idea that the two of us relay the marathon in January. She would walk a half marathon and I would run the other half. I think its an awesome idea. I think the two of us could raise a lot of money and really raise the interest in CF. There are some logistics that need to be worked out (I'm not sure the Carslbad marathon allows a relay team) but I'll figure it out.

Having someone else from the family there, participating in the race, that would be so inspiring to me. I know that Julie would jump in if she wasn't watching the kids. I tell you, I'm pretty excited about this at the moment. I hope it works out.

So far the weekend has been very nice. Jules worked today while I cleaned the house. We had the Inmans over for dinner. I really like them. I wish we hung out with them more frequently. After dinner we headed over to the park for a free concert by a Zeppelin cover band. These guys sounded like the real thing.

I know that these mundane little updates don't do much for anyone hoping to get the goods on my training. Truth is, I haven't done anything since Wednesday. But the back is feeling a lot better. So, I hope that by Monday I can at least get up and walk in the morning. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

That's all for now. It's late. Actually it's Sunday morning after midnight.



Friday, August 05, 2005

The back is feeling better. I think I'm going to run the half marathon.

I know. I know. What about the legs? I don't think a half will hurt quite as much. And I do like running.

The training isn't as intensive. And I know I can finish.

My mind is a little all over the place. I'm worried about Karyn and her family. And it puts things into perspective, you know? I also just read about former NFL quarterback, Jim Kelly (Buffalo Bills) and his son who passed away at 8 from Krabbe disease. I had tears in my eyes just imagining the sense of loss they must feel.

All of the stupid shit we worry about in life, the stress and the worry. Why? Especially when it's job related (in particular entertainment jobs). These people who get so worked up about coffee and how they are perceived. It's b.s. people!

Children are dying from diseases that have no cures. And the families of these children have to find a way to go on and live with a huge pit in the stomachs.

Christ, if I could find a way to make everyone feel this way. To make them understand. That's what I want to do so badly for Cf. But I feel like I'm not making any progress. I feel useless.

8 years old.


Wednesday, August 03, 2005

2nd day of my walking training and my back is killing me. Not quite sure what I did over the weekend. Swimming too much? Carrying Megan up and down the stairs? Slouching on the couch while I watched HBO late Sunday night? Whatever, I'm in pain. Sweet Sophie. Last night I limped into the house and she said that something was wrong with her heart. I asked her what and she finally blurted out that she feels bad because my back hurts. What a kid.

I don't want to complain. I know people who are in greater pain than me. Anyway, the walk this morning was nice and I feel better than yesterday morning. I think the farthest I've walked is three miles. I still get the urge to break into a jog, though. If I could feel confident that my back wouldn't feel like this every week....

Actually, I just got off the phone with Robert Mills, my illustrious marathon trainer. He suggested I switch to doing a half marathon. The idea is very appealing. I really enjoy running half marathons; it's just enough to make you feel like you've run pretty far, but not enough to kill you. I KNOW that I won't be doing another marathon.

My one trouble with walking a marathon is that it will take all freaking day. Seriously, I estimated that I would be walking for 8 hours. Again, a small sacrifice for what I am doing (raising money to find a cure), but I'm not sure if I'm up for 8 hours.

I have a lot to consider in the next couple of days. I think a lot will depend on how my body feels by the weekend.

Whatever I decide, Julie has expressed her full support already. I can't believe she is willing to go through with all of this with me again. She's a one of a kind.


Monday, August 01, 2005

My first official day of the marathon walk. According to the training schedule I printed out for myself, it is a rest day, which is convenient because I did not walk this morning.

We spent the weekend at Budd and Karyn's watching Megan. Budd took the two boys on a camping expedition while Karyn spent time with her mother. Karyn's mom is terminally ill. She has cancer. The other day I actually said to myself that she is dying and it seemed so much more real to me. Saying "terminally ill" gives the impression that she's going to get better. She is not.

We went to see her last weekend and she seemed to be having a good day. Kathy has always been like a mother to us. When Julie and I moved west, she took us in and immediately began calling Julie her daughter. And when she tells people she has grandchildren, she tells them 10 (which includes Sophie and Jacob). I can't imagine the grief that Karyn and her sisters Ginger and Cindy, are going through. I don't want to know that kind of sadness.

Needless to say, we are helping Budd and Karyn in any way we can, which includes spending the weekend with our niece.

As you can see, I've changed the name of the blog. The Long Road sounds a little more apropos, since this will be a long journey. The quote by Lincoln is something I found on the web. I'm going to try and make the next several months a little more interactive. We'll see.


Wednesday, July 27, 2005

If I don't begin posting new entries, I'm not sure I will commit to what I plan on doing. The truth is my right knee is too far gone for me to run another marathon. It's not just the clicking and pops I feel when I'm running, but now I experience pain on the days I run. It's not worth damaging my joints further. However, there is another way to participate in a marathon. I've known this since Hawaii. So, I'm going to walk a marathon.

That's right. I'm going to walk the 26.6 miles. Sure, it may take me all day (and according to my early calculations, it really WILL take me all day), but I've started something here. I want to continue to raise money in the way I've been able to do the past two years. And with no movie premieres to turn into fundraising functions on the near horizon, this is my best bet.

So there, I've said it. Now I have committed to the training and I will now think of a new letter to put in the mail in the next couple of weeks.


Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I have wanted to make a post since Saturday, but my Internet Explorer is corrupted and I have not been able to reinstall the program. Great, now we're paying for Internet service that we can't use.

Anyway, the past weekend was great. Julie had a really nice Mother's Day, and besides having to take Ella (our cat) to the vet, it was uneventful. Sophie and Jules went to see a production of Annie on Saturday and Sophie has not stopped singing since then.

I got up to run yesterday but, instead, opted to walk. I still haven't bought a new knee support. That right leg is feeling "clicky" so I think it's best to wait.

That's a quick update. More later.


Friday, May 06, 2005


Springsteen "Devils & Dust" (holding off on a true reveiw for a couple of weeks. But there are several songs I really love)

The Band "Music From Big Pink" (seriously, why don't we hear any of their music on the radio? This album is as fresh as anything I've heard in the past ten years. Stellar!)

The Ramones "Loud, Fast, Ramones:Their Toughest Hits" (Damn, they were a tight band.)
What the.... only the 4th day into my training and I'm already behind a day in posts. Argh!

Jacob had a GI doctor appointment this week and we had to get a stool sample. I say "we", but we know who we is and Julie got it this morning. They are concerned because he hasn’t gained any weight since his last visit. So the doctor wants to up his enzymes again, after we just lowered them. It is frustrating because the doctors at Children’s' Hospital doesn't want to up his enzymes. So, the two parties are contradicting themselves. Meanwhile, we wait it out and pull our hair out.

Great Strides was a success this year, by the way. The walk was around the mall and this seemed to be an ideal location. Middle of town. Great exposure. Short walk for those who only wanted to do 2 miles (or, who had so many kids it would have taken us forever to complete a full 6 miles). I won a prize this year. I never win anything. I guess this was the universe's consolation prize for not getting this directing gig I was hoping to land.

Yeah, I interviewed for this low budget film and I was pretty confident I would land it. In fact, it almost seemed like a shoe-in, but some other guy came in and wowed the investors better than I did. Crap. The script is pretty good, but needs some work. The writer was willing to change one of the main characters'' illness to CF. That’s what I was really excited about. The opportunity to use the film medium to raise awareness is what I wanted to accomplish.

Still, I can't complain, I mean, I won the Sponge Bob version of the game of Life and also Jenga. Hmmm, hours of stressed out moments on a film set, or hours of fun with my kids trying to learn these games. Kids win out again. So, we're going to take a trip to Atlanta this summer and spend a good long week with The Flynns and co. I'm looking forward to it (after the shock of the plane ticket prices wears off).

I did run yesterday. I was happy that I lasted for 20 minutes. I need to replace my shoe insoles and get some better arch support. New shoes, too, but when we have a little more cash. I feel pretty good when I'm done. We'll see. It was a better run, I surmise, because I had my headphones on. The music carried me a little farther than the sound of traffic did two days earlier. I never get sick of Mellencamp's "Small Town." Great song.

The new Springsteen is just out. I am still absorbing it. However, I believe it's a good time to revive the CD player list I began two years ago. I'll post it separately.

That's all for now. Mother’s Day is this weekend. I'm looking forward to giving Julie a day off. She deserves it.


Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Jacob Button Pic, 2005

Jacob Button Pic, 2005
Originally uploaded by MalcFlynn.

As you can tell, I have altered my web design for the blog. And I thought it was time to figure out how to add photos, as well. Here is the first one, a picture of Jake that I took at my parents' home in Tucson on Easter Sunday. This year, Julie and I made the buttons. I'll admit that they aren't as durable as the professionally made buttons, but there is a certain charm to them that I feel makes them more personal.

By the way, Jake's lips are blue because he was eating a sucker, not because he was lacking oxygen.


Tuesday, May 03, 2005

DAY 1, 2005

Got up early this morning, around 6:15, and dragged my tired ass out into the Saugus morning. So, here I am again, I swore I'd never do it, but, yes, I am going to train for another marathon. Why? I blame Wendy DePauw. Wendy is an old friend from high school and she and her husband, Dan, have donated the past two marathons. I hadn't seen or spoken to them in 5 or 6 years until this past Christmas.

Over the holiday break, Steve and I went to visit the DePauws, who live in Northeast Ohio. The first thing Wendy said to me after our cordial "hellos" was, "When's the next marathon?" I demurred and said I doubted I was going to run any more. She replied, "Well, you can walk it, can't you?"

That was my challenge.

The marathon this year will be next January in Carlsbad, I think I have enough time to get prepared.

Anyway, I barely ran this morning. My quads were sore due to a two-mile jog I did with Budd on Sunday. See, the Great Strides walk was this past Sunday and once we had completed the 2-mile loop with all of the families, Budd decided he wanted to run the loop. I figured, "I'll show him." Let me tell you, Budd runs a lot faster than I do. It's all a race to him. That, and the fact that I was wearing hiking shoes, contributed to my sore legs the past two days.

Still, I'm glad I got up and did my 13-minute run (how miserable). This is the first step in thousands of steps to completing my 3rd marathon. I plan to take it slow this next couple of weeks just to get back into the swing of things. But I'll keep the blog going and try to come up with some interesting things to say this year.