Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Hello again.

It's been quite awhile since I have had a chance to make an update. As soon as we returned from Hawaii, our computer decided to take its own vacation and this is the first day we've had it back from the repair shop.

I plan to make a complete "report" of our trip and the marathon itself. I hope to do that in the next couple of days (hopefully before Sophie's birthday party on Sunday). Until then, I hope that everyone has a nice New Year celebration and that the holdiays have been good to you.


Thursday, December 11, 2003

This morning was my final run before the marathon. I didn't know how far I was going to go until I got out there. There were too many things on my mind that I decided not to do a full 6 miles. Besides, it was frickin' cold out there. Frost covered the cars and the grass was brittle. I felt kind of tight, and a little strange. All of the training is now at an end. The final exam is on Sunday.

I've received a lot of nice notes from people... emails, cards and a hilarious phone call from Marsick. It was overwhelming, in a sense. Overwhelming in a good sense. I almost lost my cool tonight when I got home from work and put on some Springsteen for the kids. Some of those songs that carried me through the training, especially the emotional ones from "The Rising", it really got to me for the first time since the concert with Budd back in August. (I know, I know... Spingsteen again? Give it a rest Malchus).

The bags are all packed and Jules and I have that nervous energy we get before traveling. I'm very excited about the trip, but very neurotic about the marathon on Sunday. (What? Scott neurotic? No. Never.)

At this point I'm not even surer who is reading this journal. I've become a little self-conscious about it and I don't think I'm giving it my best writing. Then again, I've been a little scatter brained all week. When I reflect on what everything means, this marathon and the fundraising, I feel pretty proud of myself. I'm most proud of how much money was raised.


That's a butt load of money boys and girls.

Still, I keep feeling like it's not enough. If I could breakthrough and start making movies on a regular basis, using whatever clout I might attain to help fight CF, that would maybe be enough. Someday, perhaps. Let's hope.

For any of you still reading this mindless blathering, I plan to keep a journal for the week we're in Hawaii. I figure to close down this blog right after the holidays, when we celebrate Sophie's birthday. That way, we'll cover almost all of the important holidays in our lives. Perhaps I'll do an update when Julie's birthday rolls around in May. That would be a nice epilogue.

That's all for now. We rise up at 4:00 in the morning and venture down to LAX. It's going to be a long morning, but the payoff is we get into Hawaii and it will only be lunchtime. How cool is that.

Until I return, God bless us, every one of us! And all of you folks tat helped raise the money. God bless you, too.


Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Today is December 10. It was 2 years ago today that we learned that Jake had CF. I didn't think about it much today, but I could tell it was on our minds. It was just there, hanging like a cloud. Jules is in bed already. She's tense about the trip. She always gets that way before we travel. But I know that the significance of today is bothering her as well.

I hope that someday it won't affect us as much as it does now. Last year it was hard to get as excited about Christmas as we'd hoped. The year before...well, we were overwhelmed.

I've received a bunch of nice letters, calls and emails giving me extra confidence for Sunday. I think the marathon falling so close to today will give me that extra kick at the end as well.

I haven't thought much about the race. In fact, I forgot I have to get up and run tomorrow. When I think about the marathon I feel a touch anxious. But I know I'll finish. I'm not just running for myself.


Tuesday, December 09, 2003

It's been a looooong day. Got out of bed at 4:30, but I didn't sleep well. I was too worried that I might oversleep the alarm. Had to get up and drive Vill to the airport this morning and get him there by 6:15. Can't complain, though. He's done so much for me in the past two years, this is the least I can do.

After dropping him off, I came to work and ran on the treadmill for about 30 minutes. A simple 5K on the treadmill is nothing, anymore. I can't believe that just six months ago I could barely run 2 miles. Now, 3.1 is a piece of cake. I guess all of that training really has paid off.

Not much else happening today. Work was work. The DVD master should be complete by tomorrow. That's pretty damn exciting, if I do say so myself. Hopefully we'll have something to send out by the turn of the year. Will I EVER stop thinking about this movie? I'm so eager to begin something new. Alas, I have to continue to be patient.

Once we return from Hawaii I plan to begin work on a new script. I need to complete my rewrite of "American Standard" so I can put that one to rest for a while. Ryan said I should have 5 to 7 scripts ready by February. Egads. I don't think I can do it. That's A LOT of writing. Perhaps my creative mind will be a little less crowded once the marathon is over and we've had our vacation. I can only hope.

That's all for today. Must get some rest.


Monday, December 08, 2003

Another Monday, another visit to Dr. Good. I like this guy. Besides getting my back all set for the marathon, he's a pretty cool guy to converse with (except when he makes me listen to Michael Bolton during the roller machines. I mean.... Come On!).

I have to get up early and take Vill to the airport early tomorrow morning. He's off to the Bahamas for a movie shoot. He's going to be gone for at least two weeks. They're not sure if he's going back after the holidays. I can't imagine going that long without seeing Julie and the kids. Besides just being out of the country, I don't think I would like being away that long. A week is tolerable. But after that it would get VERY depressing.

I guess that's the price you pay working in the entertainment industry. For now, I have this semi-secure desk job that keeps me close to home. I'm not sure how we'll handle me being away should that opportunity ever arise. There is a big part of me that really wants to be shooting more movies, like, NOW. But the hours would be horrific.

Changing the subject, I have to say that one of the greatest things about this whole experience has been how I've been able to hear from friends and family across the country. In particular, I'm speaking about my cousin Kenny. Kenny is a few years older than me and we never really had much to talk about. He's actually older than all of the kids on my side of the family. Kenny is the relative who had a son pass away from CF when I was a kid. I must admit, I don't remember much about his son, Brandon, except that he was sick a lot. Back then I didn't know what CF was and it wasn't really explained to any of us. Needless to say, no one told us that the disease did not have a cure.

Brandon was born years before the gene was discovered, so he didn't have the same medicines that Jacob has. His life was much tougher than Jake's. And when Brandon passed away, I was too young to really comprehend what had happened. It's strange to say that now. It's strange to admit that I didn't have a clue how fragile life was. I guess it was easier because we only saw those Malchus' once a year. That's a lame excuse, I know.

But through everything that happened, those two words, Cystic Fibrosis, stuck in my memory.

When Jacob was in the UCLA ICU the weekend he was born, he didn't appear to be the sickest child in the ward. There were kids with open head wounds and heart conditions lying right next to him. He looked like he was fine and he had begun to drink milk. It wasn't until the final hour we were there that the surgeon who was going to operate on him mentioned that a CF test was supposed to have been done. And that's when the bell went off in my head. "Cystic Fibrosis? Did he say Cystic Fibrosis?"

Of all of the people who have been the most supportive to my family over the past two years, I feel that the most encouraging words I receive are from my cousin Kenny. I have often said in this journal that I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child. Well, Kenny has. He lost his son to Cystic Fibrosis. He has witnessed the horrors of this disease first person. And I will say this; he was one of the first people who called us the day we learned of Jacob's diagnosis.

You have to understand, before that day two years ago, I could not tell you the last time I had had any communication with Kenny. But here he was calling us, telling us to keep our chins up and telling us that he was optimistic that they would find a cure. Those words meant more to me than anyone else's during that time. And now that I've been keeping this log and training for this marathon, Kenny has continually checked in on what I'm writing and he has continually sent me emails full of encouragement and support.

I have to say that for this limited time, the way all of my family and friends have come together has been the most enlightening aspect of the whole ordeal. And to be able to communicate frequently with my cousins whom I rarely see, that is just fantastic. It's like, you always know there are good people out there. I don't think I would want these folks a part of my life if I didn't know that deep down they were big hearted. But these past six months have proven what I always believed, ten fold. These past six months have really opened my eyes and heart to the greatness in this world and the possibilities to overcome and cure Cystic Fibrosis.

Three more days until we leave.


Sunday, December 07, 2003

Yesterday morning was an excellent run, I must say. I was full of energy and felt very strong at the end. Of course, I felt just as strong at the end of the 10 mile run we did before the 20 mile run, but hey, who's keeping track?

They new shoes felt great and I took some of these supplements called Very Greens (from Trader Joe's, only 10 bucks), which kept me feeling full (i.e. not depleted of energy) during the run. And I had a pretty full breakfast with two scrambled eggs and a bagel. Is this the right combination? Who knows? I think the eggs and their protein is the way to go, though. I'll have to check into that when we get to Hawaii.

I completed the "Thank You" cards on Friday and it was quite a good feeling. We didn't do anything last night. Tonight we had the Cruz's and the Millers (from down the street) over for dinner. It was one of those occasions in which both families had never really met so we wondered whether they'd get along. The night was wonderful. Jules cooked a great Ziti dish and all of the kids got along great.

It is strange to think that next week at this time I will have completed the marathon. And I say that with confidence. I WILL complete the marathon. I'll admit there were a couple of weeks that I was unsure. But now that I can feel it drawing closer... I have no doubt. And whether or not I'm sore and need to crash (which I hope not), I know there are people around the country who have been rooting for me, no matter what. That's quite a feeling to have and it's energy I will be drawing from and harnessing during the run. When I start feeling low, I can tell myself whom I am running for. And when I start feeling less confident, I can listen to the voices of those friends and family who have contacted me over the course of these six months and have those inner voices cheer me on.

I was able to do a little of this when I was attempting my ill-fated Bowling Green 18 miles run in the arctic winds. Yet, having practiced this type of visualization back then, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to use it come next week.

This has been a really great weekend. After church this morning, I played hide and seek with Soph and Jake. I can't recall having that much fun with them and giggling and laughing with them by just being silly. I can't describe the feeling of being loved like that. Maybe I've said that a couple of times. But to have another human just love you no matter what... God! It is the greatest feeling in the world.

And then there's Jules.

I had a dream last night that left me waking up with the fear of losing her. I rarely remember any of dreams, and although I don't recall any of the specifics, I woke up looking for her. And when I looked over at her sleeping, with the kids in between us, I had a huge sigh of relief. I would be lost without her. I would be nothing.

Can't wait to get out of Los Angeles and just be a family on our own for a week.


Thursday, December 04, 2003

This week is dragging on and the anticipation for the marathon is starting to build. I've run twice this week and both were unsatisfying (Tuesday and this morning). Inside there is this part of me that just wants to the race to be here so we can get on with it already. I guess this must be the nervous energy everyone has been telling me about. If so, I will have plenty to burn come Sunday the 14th.

I have spent the better part of two days writing out Thank You cards to the people who have made donations. I want to thank everyone personally, even those people I don't know. I only have a few left. Today I received a donation from the Andersons, great people from my youth back in North Olmsted. Peg and Dave Anderson were youth leaders in my church and I always looked up to them. They actually challenged our minds when were teens and made us try and think about what God was all about... all in that hour of Sunday when most kids were indifferent or half awake. But I always enjoyed those classes. Peg had been in a singing group with Mom when I was a kid. And when we filling out invitations to our wedding (10 years ago!) Mom Flynn discovered that she, too, knew Peg Anderson from when Julie was a baby. Talk about a small world.

Dave is in remission. I haven't spoken to them in so long. I knew he was ill, and I always expected to hear from Mom and Dad that he'd passed. I am so happy he is recovering. They are truly good human beings who really cared.

I have given up coffee again. After what Jules said to me on Saturday I decided that I really should let it go. And you know what, I sure feel a lot more relaxed. I'm not perfect, but at least I'm trying, eh?

I am supposed to be working on some screenplays, but I can't get my head wrapped around the stories I'm going to write. Can't concentrate is more like it. Again, I believe it's some of that marathon anxiety floating around in my head. I have been reading, though. After finishing "East of Eden" I did something I haven't done since high school... I dove right into another book. This one, "The Corrections", came highly recommended by Steve. So far so good.

My god, have I resorted to this? Have I begun just rambling about my silly existence? I've become one of those self-inflated pop stars who keep a blog to express their personal views to the world. Gag me with a spoon. I don't have that much that is important to say.

Jake has been kind of gunky the past few days. He's having a hard time shaking off this cold. His nose is running a lot. Thankfully, it's all clear. I don't think that I mentioned this previously, but Jacob qualified for California Children's Services. Basically, this state run service will cover almost all of his CF related medical costs for the next year (we have to reapply each year). Today we saved $150! We had to purchase new nebulizer cups and more meds. Of course, the meds weren't ready because the prescription had expired and the pharmacy is waiting for the doctor's office to renew it. And do you think anyone called to let Jules know before she packed up the kids and made the trip to the pharmacy?

I'm not knocking the pharmacy or the doctor's office (not too much, anyway). Both groups of people have been great to us. But a simple phone call to keep us in the loop is all that we're asking. Especially when Julie spent time on the phone with them calling in the prescription. Know what I mean?

All right, enough of my bitchin'. It's the Holidays and everyone should be in good spirits. So on that note, good night. Pray for peace in the Middle East. And as always, pray that a cure is around the corner.


P.S. Got off work to get home early and watch that BG/Miami (OH) game. BG got crushed. Bummer.