Friday, September 19, 2008

End o the week

Yesterday morning I decided to take the entire week off from running. My thinking was that I needed to recharge my batteries. This has turned out to be a good idea. The anxiousness I was feeling on Monday has subsided for now. Right now I am pumped full of energy, my body is eager to run. I'll still take tomorrow off and start fresh on Monday, but I'm happy that I too the week off.

Yesterday I seemed to get some nice responses to the basement song entry on Popdose. I'm always concerned that whatever song I write about isn't going to appeal to the readers and that they're going to gleam over it. But when I simply put myself out there and just write about the songs that are important to me, something nice happens and the entries seem to be more effective.

The thought still flits around in my head to collect all of the entries and try to get them published. After all of these years I am still toying with the idea of having my own book. I guess since the movie writing thing is slow as molasses, I should look at other avenues to get people reading my stuff. Obviously, thunderbolt and Popdose are two avenues.

I am looking forward to the weekend, though I doubt I'll get to sleep in. That GDC drives me nuts every morning. "Meow, meow." Last night Julie commented that the cat was looking very skinny. I agree, most likely because she doesn't eat any of the food we put out for her. I would hate to think that she's sick and somehow suffereing, I don't despise the cat that much.

Actually, I don't despise it at all, except when she wakes me up every morning at 5:30 and when she leaves chocolate surprises in the middle of the kitche... and the living room... and the hallway... and the toyroom... and three freakin' feet from her litter box. Ah, good times.

Still no Obama pin.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The day is done

Spent most of the day depressed and/or fighting back tears. Just one of those days when it all needed to come out, I guess. By the time I got home, I was wiped. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't exhausting trying to keep your emotions in check. I had no motivation to run tonight and am feeling like this may be one of my off weeks. I feel like my batteries need recharging before I get into the home stretch.

Did I tell you that Sophie is on the student council? I am so proud of her. I know she's only in 4th grade and there may not be much for her to do, but I think this will be great for her. She already wants to help others all of the time. What a perfect place for a little girl who wants to do good.

Jake is sick tonight. He's going to miss school tomorrow. He probably has another sinus infection.

The Obama pin still hasn't shown up. Damn.


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

2 months and counting

The Pasadena half marathon is two months from today.

Today's Russell moment...

Today's Russell moment come courtesy of Simon & Garfunkel.

The sound of the snare as "The Sounds of Silence" goes electric is one of the most powerful moments in music. It rivals Dylan's announcement at the top of "Like a Rolling Stone."

Last night's run

Was an overwhelming flop. There are many factors involved with why I only managed 23 minutes, the first being that I need new fucking shoes. I have worn the sole down on my left foot so that I am now running on the foam cushion. There are areas in which the black rubber is but a thin line. Originally my plan was to gut it out and continue to use these shoes up until race day. I mean come on, the original long distance runners ran in their bare feet, right? Unfortunately, my legs are not happy with this idea.

The need for new shoes lead to the worry about money and I think you can pretty much see how everything spiraled downward from there until I had no motivation and I was practically in tears feeling like a failure.

That said, I woke up this morning with a positive attitude. Like I said, there are some projects I am working on right now that have me very excited. One of them is a comic book I am co-writing with a high school buddy, Jeff. Another is an original script that I have been pouring most of my free time into. There are a couple of other things, including a short film, that I may discuss down the line. I don't want to jinx anything.

I'm still waiting for my Obama pin from Move On. They must have a huge demand for them.

I'll tell you, it's hard getting up each morning and reading about market crashes and train crashes and not consider myself pretty damn lucky that I have a killer wife (who's hot, too) and two of the best damn kids you'll ever meet. I am sure that my dark cloud days are rooted in my fear that I letting them down. I sometimes wonder if my parents struggled like this. I wonder if they had doubts and fears that gripped them so fiercely that you chest tightened and it was difficult to breathe. I wonder that, but if they did they hid it well.

Then again, maybe all of the yelling from my childhood was a result of whatever stress they were living with. I often wonder how either of them could live with each other after so much tension in that house. Perhaps they understood each other better than we (my siblings and I) thought.

Need to call Mom and Dad tonight.


Monday, September 15, 2008

Life and Movies

Got up early this morning and quickly checked the bank account. After a quick transfer of funds, my energy level fell.

Life isn't like the movies. Even in those films or television series about folks down on their luck, something good happens and everything changes for the better. I don't want to be negative, but I'm really hoping something great is around the corner. Praying, is more like it, though, I don't know if I've been spiritual enough lately that my prayers would be answered.

Funny thing is, I feel really excited about some projects that I'm working on and I'm feeling energized for the half marathon. Still, when I think about Halloween coming up, or Jacob's birthday coming up, or Christmas right around the corner... the elephant that was standing on my chest all last year decides to make another visit.

Something's going to happen, I know it. I have to keep reminding myself that something positive is going to come soon. Otherwise, I won't be able to get up in the morning.

Thus concludes today's little depressing entry. Aren't you glad I'm back writing?

Maybe my Obama pin will be in the mail today.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Steve makes me start writing again

I must apologize for the delay in getting on with it. I've been preoccupied with trying to figure out what the hell's going on in my brain and trying to write it all down. Makes sense, huh?

The past couple of weeks have had some exciting things happen for me, but nothing that's going to put food on the table. That's the rub, see, I'm trying to do this art thing and we're struggling. Hopefully that'll change soon. Julie is about to begin interviewing for jobs and she'll also be on the sub list come October. I can't complain, though, there are people out there worse off than we are. I know that is true.

I'm sitting here listening to Dylan's "Hard Rain" and I can't believe that he wrote this song when he was in his 20's. Sadly, I can't name one young artist who is writing important songs like this one; I can't think of one artist in his 20's taking on the government and calling them on their lies and distortions. It seems that job has fallen on the shoulders of the elders like Springsteen, Neil Young, U2 and Dylan (still).

This election. This election has got me worried. For the first time the entire campaign, I'm a little worried. The ads that are being shown are dispicable and I fear that Joe Average who only watches the TVF won't read up on the bullshit McCain and his camp are putting out there. The McCain camp has completely adopted the mentality of the Bush administration: Say it over and over again, don't deny anything, and eventually people will believe you are right. And if they don't believe you are a right, fuck them. That's the Bush mentality.

A couple of weeks ago I met up with an old friend, Brett. He deserves so much more attention that just these couple sentances. So, I will write more about him come this weekend.

And then there is the fundraiser. I haven't raised as much as I'd hoped. Perhaps those first two fundraisers were anamolies. Or maybe people just don't have the money. That's the scary thing. If people don't have any money, how will we find a cure for CF.

Cystic fibrosis. Wish I'd never heard of the god damn disease.