Saturday, August 19, 2006

I've been away most of the summer, I know. I guess I've been questioning the whole point of me keeping this blog. There are much better writers out there and I'm not sure who even keeps track of Thunderbolt. But a few weeks ago I was cleaning the garage and I found the only consistent journal I've ever kept. Back when Sophie was in the womb I wrote every day in two Mead, college rule composition books as a record of her first 9 months of existence. Man, it was pretty confessional. So confessional that I'm unsure I want her ever to read it. Anyway, I was proud that I'd disciplined myself to make an entry each night. I felt like a writer. Not that I haven't been writing the past three or four months when I was making sporadic entries to Thunderbolt. I think this year has been the year I've work hardest on my craft. So far it seems to be paying off.

Where am I going with all of this...? Oh yeah. I'm committing myself to this blog again. I have to. I need to clear my head and write down some of the shit that's wearing me out. This is the best option, right now. And putting myself out there? Hell, maybe someone will get something from it. Or maybe they'll disagree and begin a wonderful debate with me. Or, possibly, I'll run into some old friends on the cyber highway, like I did this week (shout out to Cindy Graf).

Maybe this all has to do with school beginning this week. More importantly, with Jake beginning pre-school on Monday. This is intense. I'm excited to see him grow up, but, yeah, I very sad about it, too. And, yes, I'm worried about his CF and whether he'll get sick. In the back of my mind, I think I'm most stressed about whether he'll make friends. I just want Jake to have a normal childhood. I don't want the disease to rule his life. Is that strange? Shouldn't I be MORE worried about his health? There aren’t any guidebooks to this one. Someone could make a fortune on "What to Expect When Your Child Goes to School And They Have CF".

As you can tell, I'm rusty. I haven't written on the blog in so long I can't keep a straight thought. I'll get better. I promise.


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