Was an overwhelming flop. There are many factors involved with why I only managed 23 minutes, the first being that I need new fucking shoes. I have worn the sole down on my left foot so that I am now running on the foam cushion. There are areas in which the black rubber is but a thin line. Originally my plan was to gut it out and continue to use these shoes up until race day. I mean come on, the original long distance runners ran in their bare feet, right? Unfortunately, my legs are not happy with this idea.
The need for new shoes lead to the worry about money and I think you can pretty much see how everything spiraled downward from there until I had no motivation and I was practically in tears feeling like a failure.
That said, I woke up this morning with a positive attitude. Like I said, there are some projects I am working on right now that have me very excited. One of them is a comic book I am co-writing with a high school buddy, Jeff. Another is an original script that I have been pouring most of my free time into. There are a couple of other things, including a short film, that I may discuss down the line. I don't want to jinx anything.
I'm still waiting for my Obama pin from Move On. They must have a huge demand for them.
I'll tell you, it's hard getting up each morning and reading about market crashes and train crashes and not consider myself pretty damn lucky that I have a killer wife (who's hot, too) and two of the best damn kids you'll ever meet. I am sure that my dark cloud days are rooted in my fear that I letting them down. I sometimes wonder if my parents struggled like this. I wonder if they had doubts and fears that gripped them so fiercely that you chest tightened and it was difficult to breathe. I wonder that, but if they did they hid it well.
Then again, maybe all of the yelling from my childhood was a result of whatever stress they were living with. I often wonder how either of them could live with each other after so much tension in that house. Perhaps they understood each other better than we (my siblings and I) thought.
Need to call Mom and Dad tonight.