I used to write a television column on Popdose.com. This was in the late aughts and the teen years of the 21st Century. Back then I was reliant on my few cable channels and trying to squeeze in one hobby (watching television) with another one (writing about television). I don't write for Popdose anymore. I could; it's not like I was told not to. I had to stop. My mental health was crashing and I found myself trying to meet self imposed deadlines and writing reviews instead of working on my own original stuff. At the time I chose to step away from Popdose, I crashed and burned. I haven't completed anything original in nearly seven years, save for some Christmas dramas I wrote for the church. That said I have been working on something original since 2019, a novel that gets more epic each year I work on it. I have doubts this book will ever get published, but my daughter and wife have enjoyed what I've written so far, so at least I have an audience of two. I hope to complete it so my dad can read it; he's a voracious reader.
Writing about television came naturally. I grew up in front of the boob tube, watching reruns of 60s and 70s shows. I still have a soft spot for The Wild, Wild West, Rocky & Friends, M*A*S*H, and Space 1999. In the 80s, as I became more sociable, our VCR allowed me to keep up on prestige TV like St. Elsewhere, Hill Street Blues and Lonesome Dove. St Elsewhere it holds up very well and remains ahead of its time.
On occasion I'll check out some of my old Popdose articles. Reading them is very foreign to me. Who is the guy that wrote these words? Some of it is so confident, brash. Where did that writer go? I came across something I posted when the Emmy nominations were announced in July of 2008. Besides wondering if Mad Men, after its first season, would be able to sustain its greatness, and bitching that Friday Night Lights and The Wire were snubbed, I commented then that there was too much television to watch. In 2008!
I don't want to sound like some old crank, but in my day, there were
only three or four networks to choose from, making it easier to catch up
on great shows, especially with summer reruns. In the 90s, as cable
programming began to take hold, I feel like there was still a way to
watch most of the good stuff. That all changed in the early 2000s, the
"golden age" of television, as it's been called. Every cable channel
started programming original shows. Who knew that streaming would lead to an onslaught of
"content" (I hate that fucking word, it's such a corporate term, which
tells you how messed up the studios are now) that would make it virtually impossible for people to make
choices.
I love much of the groundbreaking television of the streaming era. But too much came at you too fast. And when there was no way to calculate profits for the corporate overlords, everything collapsed. I was one of those naive ones who thought that the streamers were going to be a blessing for television and film, that the streamers would always need more TV shows and movies to fill the demand. I was so wrong. Because now.... NOW... there is too much television. There's so much television that people haven't had a chance to catch up with the television they've missed.
One of the main reasons I pulled back on writing about television is I couldn't keep up! A true critic of the medium needs to be working forty hours a week just watching programs in order to be honest. I felt guilty not being informed enough to write about the the numerous shows that I didn't have the time to see. This all led to a cycle of imposter syndrome and guilt over missed those self imposed deadlines. That all led to more grief and anxiety. It was so bad that I feel tingly just writing this blog entry.
There are moments when I think, "Maybe I should write criticism again." Then I publish something like this post and I convince myself I don't have anything useful to say. That's the constant struggle I face: What's the point? Does anyone care? My therapist tells me I should do it if it brings me joy.
I'm trying.
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