Monday, September 12, 2005

It's been a long week and there was so much going on that I couldn't muster the energy to write. Sad, I know. I was so damned stressed that I had stomach aches by the end of last week.

I have taken a new job at Cartoon Network. The opportunity arose and I felt that I shouldn't pass it up, not with the way things are going at Klasky Csupo. I'm not sure if there would be a job for me at KC past October. The risk of losing our benefits is something we can't take. Although I initially turned down this job, the news of KC looked even grimmer a day later and I immediately called my friend who offered me the job to see if it was still available. It was.

The nerve racking part is that it's less pay and, of course, trying to figure out the benefit situation. We spent all last week going over our finances and looking for ways to make it work. I believe we've come up with a solution. It's not perfect, but we'll be able to stay on our feet.

The constant stress about this job situation made it twice as hard to concentrate on running. I did run three times last week, but after I accepted the job, my body was ravaged. I had internalized so much stress that I had used up as much energy as when I run long distance. When Saturday came, I was too exhausted to get up and run.

On top of this stress was the delivery of a draft of my script for "The American Standard", a film that is being produced later this year. This new version of the script was not written by me and there were some significant changes to it. It has been an eye opening experience dealing with the optioning and the production of this script. I mean, once you hand it off to someone and sign the papers, it's not really yours any more. Having had almost complete control over "King's Highway", this was a rude awakening to the real Hollywood machine. All weekend long I worried about why the script was altered and whether I would remain involved with the project (and would I be sharing the writing credit).

I got my answers today and I am a little bummed by what I was told. I hope to be involved with further revisions.

This is a strange time. Starting a new job. Finally accomplishing the sale of a script. I should be so much happier. But I still have so much anxiety and uncertainty that I'm consuming mass quantities of Tums. I could barely muster 15 minutes of running before my head got the better of me and my body shut down.

You come out here and you chase the dream. And really, the dreams have been achieved. A loving wife. The greatest kids you could ever imagine. A couple of movies. From the outside my reality must look pretty awesome. So why do I feel so glum? Why can't I just revel in the good fortune?


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