I had a majority of this week's basement song entry written and it became pointless after I began listening to a 10 year old Robert Plant album, "Fate of Nations". I already knew five of the tacks on the cd, one of which is a favorite, ("29 Palms") and another that I have trouble getting through without tearing up, his tribute to his son, "I Believe". Plant's son died in 1977 when he was 5. I never gave much thought to this album, despite liking the songs I had heard. It came out during the alternative wave in '93. I was so over him by then.
So you can imagine my surprise when I began listening to the album and was blown away by the beauty and emotion that resonates in this music. What's more, a wave of sadness washes over every track. As much as I should stop listening to this music, I can’t. I just want to listen and cry my damn eyes out. I'm sure you know why.
An article about our family appeared in the local newspaper this morning. As much as I want to make people aware of Cf and finding a cure, for some reason I feel a little exposed. Raw. Helpless. Eternally helpless.
Last night I was trying to get to sleep. It was around 1:00. I couldn't stop crying. Jake was in our bed (of course) and as I lay there, I draped my arm over him for a bit. My darling boy. As I snuggled him (until he shoved my arm away), I cried some more. And a thought came to me: I haven't cried this much since I was in high school and my sweetheart moved away. That relationship broke my heart. Is my heart broken again? And if so, who broke it? God? Did God break my heart? Because I can't stop thinking that children shouldn't have to go through this shit. 11 medicines a day. And he's about to start another one!
Jacob has more strength than he knows.
PS- I'll post the article later once I finally shut off Robert Plant and get a grip.