Driving into work this morning, I was learning new tricks with my MP3 player and somehow wound up on Badly Drawn Boy's "I Love NY" from the ABOUT A BOY soundtrack. It is a song that I've written about in the basement series (http://augustone.blogspot.com/2007/03/basement-songs-i-love-nye-by-badly.html) and it is also a song I avoid when it pops up on the player. The strange thing is, the past few times it has come on, I've let it play and no tears came to my eyes. I was not sad or happy. At one point, I thought I must have listened to the song too many times and it has worn out its value to me.
Not the case this morning.
Man, as soon as it began, I started to lose it. Perhaps it's because Jake was sick over the weekend with a cold. Or perhaps it is because I haven't shed a tear since, like, June, but I was having a hard time seeing the driveway as I pulled into the parking garage. These past couple of weeks have been very special for me with the kids. Two weeks ago, when the Indians were on TV, Sophie wanted a hat to wear as we rooted for the Tribe. We couldn't find her pink Indians cap she owns, so I gave her one of my old time Cleveland Indians caps that no longer fit my fat head. Can I tell you how long I have waited to give one of my kids an old ball cap to call their own. She wears it around the house and looks adorable with her curly brown hair hanging out in frizzy tangles. And last night, as I sat with Jake during his breathers, he took my Indians hat off my head and wore it for a while. Eventually, we found his cap (with an "I" on it) and he wore the thing to bed.
Sometimes simple things like that are what I need to remind me of what my focus is supposed to be. Those kids. My wife. Our family. I am a blessed man to have these wonderful people to help me get through the days. I am a blessed man.
I guess the simple melody of Badly Drawn Boy's composition reminded me, too.
I'm glad I had that brief moment of letting go. Too many things are bottled up inside of me right now and having just a minor release has helped tremendously.