Friday, March 19, 2010

I've been in a funk all day. This morning there was an honor roll assembly and we attended because Sophie, once again, made honor roll. After the awards were handed out some announcements were made, including one about the CF fundraiser next week. For the third year i a row the kids' school will raise money all week for the CF Foundation, concluding with a mini-walk on Friday.

For me it is always makes me very sad when I hear people talking about combating a deadly disease and that "a child at out school has cystic fibrosis" and that child is mine. I sat still, fighting back tears while Julie addressed the parents throughout the room. After that, I couldn't shake the sadness all day. Even now, at 10:25 PM, I can still feel the lingering effects of this morning and all I want to do is sob my eyes out.

I have watched Julie do so much and I feel inadequate in her presence. All I've ever done is run. Perhaps that's why I am toying with the idea of doing a 10K the same weekend as our Great Strides this year. I need to feel like I'm DOING something and not just being an observer.

I hate this feeling. I hate this fear.