Skip to main content

I am not a baseball player

Finally got a chance to see MONEYBALL tonight and it was an excellent film. Although it was not as emotionally compelling as I'd hoped, I still found the movie inspiring and Brad Pitt's work exceptional. I sometimes forget how good he can be. I guess when you have so many children to feed, you have to make some glossy Hollywood movies to pay the bills. This leaves room to make dream projects like MONEYBALL.

There was a moment in the film when the story flashed back to Beane, at that time a washed up major league ballplayer, making the decision to become a baseball scout. "I'm not a ballplayer," he says, much to the amazement of some off screen person (I assume his agent).

There are many times that I think about the move out here and the dreams I've pursued and where I now and I think, "I'm not a ball player." But, I did make a movie, which most people can not say, and I've been in the lives of my children since the day they were born instead of being on location on a film set. So, the trade off was worth it. Sure, it's stings sometimes, especially when I look at the credits on upcoming movie posters and the names of the directors are people I've never heard of before, but I'll take the situation I had tonight over any of the glamor that comes with a feature film.

Tonight, for the first time in as along as I can remember, Jake asked me to snuggle him. Me. He never asks for me. It's always his mom. The two of us have had some special bonding in the past couple months, but I never expected this.

I am a lucky man.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MARATHON FOOTNOTES (for those who didn't think I would really footnote a stream of consciousness thought): Footnote #1 Academy Award Winning Best Picture Films from 1969 to the Present: Midnight Cowboy, Patton, The French Connection, The Godfather, The Sting, The Godfather II, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Rocky, Annie Hall, The Deer Hunter, Kramer Vs. Kramer, Ordinary People, Chariots of Fire, Gandhi, Terms of Endearment, Amadeus, Out of Africa, Platoon, The Last Emperor, Rain Man, Driving Miss Daisy, Dances With Wolves, The Silence of the Lambs, Unforgiven, Schindler’s List, Forrest Gump, Braveheart, The English Patient, Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, American Beauty, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Footnote #2 Members of the band YES, from 1969 to the present: In 1969, Yes is formed with Jon Anderson on vocals Peter Banks on guitar, Bill Bruford on drums, Tony Kaye on keyboards and Chris Squire playing bass. This group records
42 comments
Read more

The Beginning of an Explanation

When I dropped off of the Internet, it wasn't meant to be a years long sabbatical. I thought I just needed a break; that I was getting burned out from writing Basement Songs and movie reviews for Popdose.com. Something cracked, though, and I couldn't consider writing even in a journal for a very long time. Things changed in the winter of 2017. While driving to pick up Jacob at theater rehearsal, I experienced my first panic attack. It started immediately after he got in the car at the theater and it slowly took over my body for the fifteen minute drive home. My skin became clammy and I felt myself removed from my body. My brain was empty and I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I gutted it out until we walked through the front door. Without saying a word, I went upstairs, crawled into bed and got in the fetal position. I just wanted to close my eyes and shut out the world. The next morning I awoke exhausted, as if I'd exercised the previous day. That was the first time
3 comments
Read more

The End of the Explanation

I don't want to drag this out for a series of extended posts; there's no need to go into the minute details. So I'll wrap up my ongoing mental health journey with this post. After I basically quit writing, I began the work on myself. From 2017 to the middle of 2019, the only things I wrote were 10 minute dramas for our church, and let me tell you, even those were a challenge. But when God gives you a deadline, you don't mess around. There was a real depression that came with the relief of not writing or worrying about writing scripts. Again, if I wasn't writing, what was I doing? I really struggled with this question because we had moved from Ohio to Los Angeles so I could pursue a career in film. Even though I'd written and directed a movie, and sold a script, in my mind that wasn't good enough. I couldn't appreciate all of the great things in my life, and the solid career that I had forged in animation over 18 years. It took some real work: a lot o
Post a Comment
Read more