Friday, August 20, 2004

Yesterday was one of the hard days. Financial worries are the most stressful thing in my life. The most discouraging news we received was that we've been turned down for California Children’s Services. Apparently we make too much money. Strange, when I look at our taxes from 2002 and 2003, we made almost half what me made in 2002 in 2003. And yet, we qualified last year. I really don't know how we'll make it when we have to begin paying that 20% for all of Jake's medicines and doctor visits. And I haven't gotten a raise in 3 years. And I can't really quit my job and go look for a new one because I can't afford to lose our benefits. And whose really going to hire a 35-year-old man as an administrative assistant? And it's too late to start my career over, not with a family and our situation.

To make the day more pleasant, my dentist had a field day grinding away at one of my teeth. The fact that I've been grinding my teeth at night is not making my mouth feel any better. I have begun taking Advil like candy. That can't be a good thing.

But we have begun raising some money and that is something positive to come out of this very long week. So far, in the short week since I sent out the letter, we've raise $985. That's awesome. Of course, we have to continue to average about that amount to make the goal of $15K. What was I thinking?

Can I tell you how truly wonderful my wife is? Here I am, grinding my teeth over trying to raise the money, and she's stressing about wanting me to reach that goal, as well. I keep forgetting that I'm not in this alone. I know it's my body and it's my name signed at the bottom of all of those letters, but it really is a family affair. God, I love that woman so much. I lose sight, sometimes, of how fortunate I am to have Julie as my partner in life. When we were younger, and there were fewer distractions, I'm sure I told her that every day. Now, I'm lucky if I remember to tell her once a week.

I'm going to call her right now....

Okay, I just called her. That was worth it. I have to go now. I'm off to the Van Hagar concert.

I know, I know. How does a guy go from Springsteen to Sammy, Eddie, Mike and Alex? I can't explain it. I dig their music. It's pretty mindless and I need mindless.

I have to get up and run 10 miles tomorrow morning, so I can't get too crazy.


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