Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Special MB hump day

From: Scott
Date: Wed, 01 Feb 2006
To: Steve

Hey Steve,

I've been reflecting on Matt all this week. I've found it to be very healthy, trying to remember who he was and what he was capable of as a good man, friend, and brother. Is it strange to be going through this type of looking back a year after he passed away? I don't think I'll do it again next year. In fact, I'll try to recall his birthday from now on and have a toast to him then.

Like I said, I spoke with Elliott last Saturday and it was just a nice, good conversation. A lot of reminiscing and, surprisingly, a lot of laughter. I believe Matt would have liked us to remember him for being able to make us laugh. Despite his air of superiority and the way he could make you feel small, he was also full of a lot of warmth and humor.

For this week's song. I wanted to pick something that reminded me of him. I could have been obvious and chosen Dylan or Tom Waits. I avoided his latter day loves like Nick Cave because I am not familiar enough with the music and , to be honest, his love of this music wasn't when I was a big part of his life anymore.

Matt and I explored a lot of music together. Our mutual love of Journey nearly got us to the "Escape" concert in 6th grade (with Forest School secretary Mrs. Vincent!) and when the two of us finally saw the band, it was Matt's mom who took us to the show at the Richfield Coliseums. How about that? In fact, Matt's folks also took us to the Huey Lewis & the News show at Blossum a couple years later. The two of us rocked out. Hey, Huey was big back then!

We took in Genesis and Matt sat there with his arms folded the whole time. I believe this was an early sign of his antiestablishment... Or just his disgust with the crass commercialism of Phil Collins and co.

In addition to the concerts we saw, we both influenced each other in our tastes. For some unknown reason, he bought the god-awful 3rd Asia album after my suggestion. I will always feel bad about that one. And, yes, I borrowed "Tunnel of Love" from him in late '87, a move that changed my life.

One of the most memorable music related moment we had together was also a film related one. The two of us discovered "This Is Spinal Tap" and watched the video long before it became a cult sensation. Matt bought the album and we never tired listening to "Gimme Some Money" and "Big Bottoms."

Finally, there is one memory I will treasure. It came in Spring of '87 when "The Joshua Tree" was released. He was so high on U2 then and I was just getting into them. One school night, he was over, my folks were out and "Where the Streets Have No Name" was playing over that old stereo console my parents had in the living room. Remember that thing? It must have weighted 300 pounds. Anyway, as the song played, Matt and I began playing air guitar and moving side to side, like really bad rock bands do (say... BTO). It was such a sweet moment, though. As we were on the cusp of adulthood, here we were, acting like giddy little kids. It was the kind of moment that could only happen between two people who knew each other so well.

Later that year we saw U2 at the old Cleveland Stadium. I have no memories of the show. That time in the living has a more lasting impression than the biggest band in the world. Funny how that works.

When Matt died, I was drawn to U2's new album. There was a song on the previous one, "All That You Can't Leave Behind" entitled "Kits" which helped me get through my acceptance that I wouldn't be able to "save" him after he'd moved back to Ohio. I first listened to that song, but the lyrics were meaningless to me now because Matt was dead. Then I heard this song, "Miracle Drug," from "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb" and I was sucked in. \The lyrics spoke to me on a couple of levels and it helped me begin the healing process.

I want to trip inside your head
Spend the day there
To hear the things you haven't said
And see what you might see

I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all
I want to see your thoughts take shape
And walk right out

Freedom has a scent
Like the top of a new born baby's head

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've seen enough, I'm not giving up
On a miracle drug

Of science and the human heart
There is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart
Just when you quit

I am you and you are mine
Love makes nonsense of space
And time will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side, love

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough of romantic love
I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up
For a miracle drug, a miracle drug
A miracle drug

Oh God, I need your help tonight

Beneath the noise
Below the din
I hear a voice
It's whispering
In science and in medicine
I was a stranger
You took me in

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough of romantic love
I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up
For a miracle drug, for a miracle drug

Miracle, miracle drug

I miss him, a lot. At times, I try to fool myself into thinking that it's just as if he's still living in Seattle and we're just not talking right now. Then I catch myself and realize that I'll never talk to him again... At least, not in this world.



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