A decent run this morning considering I haven't been out jogging for almost 3 weeks. The new knee support was great, I love the iPod, and my back didn't bother me one bit. I completed 30 good minutes (a little plodding, but consistent) until the burdens of my mind began to press down on me and I lost the will to continue. Some personal things over the weekend are taxing me right now, personal things I don't care to discuss on thunderbolt. Still, I'm glad I made it out today. It would have been far too easy to sleep in and put off the running for another day.
When I dropped off of the Internet, it wasn't meant to be a years long sabbatical. I thought I just needed a break; that I was getting burned out from writing Basement Songs and movie reviews for Popdose.com. Something cracked, though, and I couldn't consider writing even in a journal for a very long time. Things changed in the winter of 2017. While driving to pick up Jacob at theater rehearsal, I experienced my first panic attack. It started immediately after he got in the car at the theater and it slowly took over my body for the fifteen minute drive home. My skin became clammy and I felt myself removed from my body. My brain was empty and I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I gutted it out until we walked through the front door. Without saying a word, I went upstairs, crawled into bed and got in the fetal position. I just wanted to close my eyes and shut out the world. The next morning I awoke exhausted, as if I'd exercised the previous day. That was the first time
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