Thursday, July 10, 2008

Perspective. That's what any vacation I take gives me once I've returned home and slip back into the grind. Julie and the kids are still in Ohio but I'm back in Saugus, trying to get myself mentally equipped for the work day.

Having returned late Tuesday night, yesterday was a daze, made more so by the fact that my office is moving. Thus, on top of getting caught up to speed, I had to pack up my crap for the big move that begins this afternoon. Woke up this morning and just couldn't get going. I started to make a list of things that I have to do JUST to get out the frickin door and I had a chilling thought: Is this what I would be like if I was not married with children? Would I be this lethargic every morning? I envisioned a house littered with post-its, telling how my life was supposed to go.

I don't do well when my family is away, especially after vacation. After spending a week and a half bonding with them, getting reacquainted, so to speak, I'm in a foreign world on my own. I need them to survive.

Lately, I have been reflective on that aspect of my life, my need for companionship. There have been very few periods since my adolescence when I wasn't dating someone. I think the universe has a way of guiding us into the path of adulthood we are destined to follow. Does this have something to do with a childhood feeling unloved? Someday I may wish to explore this deeper. For now, I will continue to tap into my own insecurities and "issues" from growing up in order to be a better parent to Sophie and Jacob.

Ohio was nice. It was an excellent trip. Someday, I would really enjoy going on a vacation that didn't take me back to my roots, back to my hometown. The trouble with going home every time you go on vacation is that you always look inward and into the past. There's no getting around it, at least not for me.

Like I said, perspective.

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