Skip to main content
Went to the circus tonight, man was that a strange experience. I can't say the I was totally enthused or even entertained, but I came away with an appreciation of what circuses are and the hard work that goes into putting on the show. This particular circus, Circus Vargas, has been around for 40 years. As I watched the show I thought to myself how strange that no one has made a contemporary film about circus life. I had a couple ideas for kids films and maybe a farce, but I also kept coming back to a star studded Altman-esque idea, something I will never write.

It seemed that everyone had a couple of jobs at the circus. The death defying motorcycle rider whose display of skill closed the show was also the guy taking photos of audience members and trying to get them to buy the picture before the end of the show. Seems that everyone who performed also worked on the crew in some capacity. Trapeze artists also rolled out the carpet, the women who performed magic also sold concessions before the show. In a way, Circus Vargas was like the Boy Scouts.

I may not have been entertained (although there were some unintentionally funny moments) I am glad we went. Julie and the kids leave town in a week and even thinking about it now is getting me misty eyed. At least I'll have the cat... and the mouse that has taken up residency somewhere in our house. I hope it's mouse. I saw it last night scurry behind the dishwasher, then I heard its claws skitter across the kitchen floor while I watched Saint Ralph, one of my favorite movies. If you have not seen Saint Ralph you must rent it the next time you are choosing a movie (unless you're thinking about renting King's Highway, in which case Saint Ralph should be the second film you rent).

This week has been hectic as far as writing goes. I am close to completing some of the reviews I need to do for Popdose. Unfortunately I have not been able to work on the book as much. Yet, I do not feel anxious like I do when I'm not working on a screenplay. Perhaps because the words just seem to flow better when I'm writing the book and I'm not analyzing every single word I write for fear it will be misinterpreted by some future director. I don't know. I believe I am half way through my handwritten rough draft. I dread typing it.

Aloha

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

MARATHON FOOTNOTES (for those who didn't think I would really footnote a stream of consciousness thought): Footnote #1 Academy Award Winning Best Picture Films from 1969 to the Present: Midnight Cowboy, Patton, The French Connection, The Godfather, The Sting, The Godfather II, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Rocky, Annie Hall, The Deer Hunter, Kramer Vs. Kramer, Ordinary People, Chariots of Fire, Gandhi, Terms of Endearment, Amadeus, Out of Africa, Platoon, The Last Emperor, Rain Man, Driving Miss Daisy, Dances With Wolves, The Silence of the Lambs, Unforgiven, Schindler’s List, Forrest Gump, Braveheart, The English Patient, Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, American Beauty, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Footnote #2 Members of the band YES, from 1969 to the present: In 1969, Yes is formed with Jon Anderson on vocals Peter Banks on guitar, Bill Bruford on drums, Tony Kaye on keyboards and Chris Squire playing bass. This group records

The Beginning of an Explanation

When I dropped off of the Internet, it wasn't meant to be a years long sabbatical. I thought I just needed a break; that I was getting burned out from writing Basement Songs and movie reviews for Popdose.com. Something cracked, though, and I couldn't consider writing even in a journal for a very long time. Things changed in the winter of 2017. While driving to pick up Jacob at theater rehearsal, I experienced my first panic attack. It started immediately after he got in the car at the theater and it slowly took over my body for the fifteen minute drive home. My skin became clammy and I felt myself removed from my body. My brain was empty and I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I gutted it out until we walked through the front door. Without saying a word, I went upstairs, crawled into bed and got in the fetal position. I just wanted to close my eyes and shut out the world. The next morning I awoke exhausted, as if I'd exercised the previous day. That was the first time

The End of the Explanation

I don't want to drag this out for a series of extended posts; there's no need to go into the minute details. So I'll wrap up my ongoing mental health journey with this post. After I basically quit writing, I began the work on myself. From 2017 to the middle of 2019, the only things I wrote were 10 minute dramas for our church, and let me tell you, even those were a challenge. But when God gives you a deadline, you don't mess around. There was a real depression that came with the relief of not writing or worrying about writing scripts. Again, if I wasn't writing, what was I doing? I really struggled with this question because we had moved from Ohio to Los Angeles so I could pursue a career in film. Even though I'd written and directed a movie, and sold a script, in my mind that wasn't good enough. I couldn't appreciate all of the great things in my life, and the solid career that I had forged in animation over 18 years. It took some real work: a lot o