thunderbolt

My heart is breaking right now. I can't help thinking about Matt's final day and his struggle with his bulemia and whatever other disorders he was suffering from. After my converation with Elliott last night, it feels like he wanted it to end. I'll never know for certain, but Elliott mentioned this. And if he was in pain, so much pain, from starving, from depression, from his body breaking down, from needles, it is likely that he may have given in. And this is the saddest fact that I am having to accept. That a man who was so full of life had become complacent and ready to give up. But I will never know. I said once that I thought he was slowly discommunicating himself with all of the people he loved. but Elliott insists that he still talked about our friendship. Maybe it's guilt I'm feeling. The grayness the skies this morning and the dim lighting in the office have put me in a mood. And I've begun haning posters for the CF walk, seeking donations. I