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Woke up this morning to the startling sound of Jacob throwing up. My stomach dropped when we saw blood mixed in with the phlegm he threw up. He threw up a couple more times, each with spots of blood in it. Julie took him to the doctor and they put him on antibiotics. Since then he didn't throw up again.

I nearly lost it a couple of times while we got ready for Jules to take Jake to the doctor. Honestly, I expected him to have to go down to Children's and feared he'd be admitted. We've been blessed that he hasn't required hospitalization since he was a baby, but the possibility of that happening is always in the back of my mind somewhere. Julie continues to amaze me with her composure under duress. She seemed calm throughout everything, even when we were both placing our fingers in the phlegm/vomit trying to feel the texture of the red spots. We weren't 100% sure it was blood until then.

Jake and I stayed home all day and missed a pool party with several of our friends. The poor guy took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the afternoon. I wound up crashing, too. I went to bed really late last night anticipating that I would get to sleep in. Then, when everything was going on this morning my stomach was in knots and the last thing I wanted was a cup of coffee. By 2:00, my body went through caffeine withdrawal and I nearly got sick (red flag, Malchus, cut back on the java). I've been out of it since I woke up around 5:00.

Everyone seems fine now, but it was quite a scare and a reminder of how quickly life can change when you're dealing with a chronic illness.

I haven't used thunderbolt as a resource to vent my fears and frustrations in quite some time. Through Julie I've become aware of other, better blogs written by people suffering from CF. I figured I didn't have much to add. However, I'm rethinking that. Maybe I won't have a huge audience (I know I won't), but I think I need to return to thunderbolt for me. I need to release what's inside of me and this feels like the best place to do it.

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