Thunderbolt

The memorial service was lovely and the tribute to Kathy was very heartwarming. Karyn, Cindy and Ginger all got up to speak (as did her brother, Tony) and I can't believe that they were able to keep it together. I know that people talk about there being a sense of "closure" once the funeral takes place (I've even said that), but there really isn't, is there? Just because you spend a day speaking loving words and looking at pictures and greeting relatives you haven't seen in decades (or ever met) and friends paying respect and listening to your loved one's favorite songs (or songs chosen at random by someone trying to help out) and drinking away your sorrows and crying, crying, crying and finally crying one last time until you're too exhausted to keep your eyes open doesn't make the pain go away or the fact that your mother, sister, aunt, or best friend died and you'll never be able to hug them again in this life. A part of you is missing no...

Tomorrow is Kathy's memorial service and I feel anxious about it. I think it's just that I know there is going to be a lot of tears and I'm unsure how well I can comfort someone in that situation. I know to offer love and hugs, but that sometimes doesn't feel like enough. I have to get up and run 4 miles tomorrow. My end goal and the reason I'm running is of great importance, but right now, running does not feel so vital that I need to write about it. Aloha

It’s an obsession. You’re driving down the street and you begin to wonder how many miles it is from this street sign to the traffic light. How long would it take to run up that long hill near your daughter’s school? And you think about how cool it will be when you actually do run that hill. You worry about getting new shoes and when you’ll be able to afford them. You question the strength of you knee and back not because you’re worried about being able to walk in ten years, but because you’re worried about finishing the run. You’re bummed when your MP3 player finally breaks down because you look forward to the blending of reality (running) and what’s going on in your head as you listen to those songs. Weights star to pop back into your head and you contemplate pulling out the dumbbells one more time. Along with those 40 crunches you do each morning, the Yoga tape suddenly get dusted off. And then there’s what you eat. You make goals for yourself. Limited coffee. No cream (y...

Ran yesterday and I was surprised how easy it was to wake up at 5:30. Scary. I'm slipping into my groove so soon. This is a pleasant surprise. Spoke with Cousin Dave this afternoon and we've brainstormed on a couple of new ideas for fundraising this year. Our conversation reminded me that the Active.com web page needs to be updated. I'll get on that tomorrow. I guess it's time to get to work on my letter. Every year it gets more difficult to figure out what I should say. For a man who has so much time and so many words swirling around in his head, it sure is hard to find the right words. The kids are in bed and I have to check on some things for Karyn. I'm helping out for the memorial service this weekend. Nothing big, but I need to get to work now. Aloha.

Julie and I watched a remarkable documentary on The Learning Channel called “The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off”. Remarkable not because it was some boring scientific expose on a rare genetic disease called ( ), but because it showed how great the human spirit can be. The subject of the special, Jonny Kennedy, was 36 when he died from this disorder. Here is the synopsis from TLC’s website: Thirty-six-year-old Jonny Kennedy was born with a terrible genetic condition called dystrophic epidermolysis bullosa, which meant that his skin literally fell off at the slightest touch, leaving his body covered in agonizing sores and leading to his final fight against terminal skin cancer. In his last months, Jonny decided to work with a filmmaker to document his life and death. The result is a film that tells the uplifting, confounding and provocatively humorous story of an amazing man on a mission to make his final days on earth memorable While it did show the horrific effects of this disease, it also s...

Thursday again and it's been an eventful week. Sophie began the first grade yesterday and I am proud to say that she did fine. Julie is really sad that Sophie will be gone most of the day. But Sophie, so far, has been doing fine with the transition. Then again, it's only been two days. The four of us went to her new school together yesterday. I will always remember the ride up to the school and Elton john's "Tiny Dancer" playing on the radio. I feel like she's growing up so fast. Then I'll come home to find her and Jacob running around like maniacs. These simple reminders are all I need to let me know that she's going to be a kid for a while still. But I need to record these moments in my brain. Jacob has been growing, too. We have been pleasantly surprised at how full his face is becoming, and that he fits in 3T clothes, even outgrowing some of the three size shirts he wears. Although he is still shorter than kids his own age, I don't ...

It's been a long week and I haven't run or walk at all. Karyn's mom health has deteriorated and we're not sure how long she has. Jules and I have tried to help out as much as possible. The best that we can do right now is watch Max, Zach and Megan. Those kids were at the house Tuesday, Wednesday and today. I took the day off yesterday and we all went to the beach. I am amazed at how these kids are going with the flow. Though, I'm not sure how aware they are that their Nana is dying. The specter of death has hovered closely this week. Tuesday the 9th would have been my oldest friend, Matt Brookshire's birthday. He passed away in February and I have been dealing with that situation all year. I know I have spoken about Matt in the past and his death came as a shock to everyone who knew him. The two of us went so far back, I don't recall how we met. I look back at pictures from 1st grade and there we are, the two of us in the same class. How did we m...

The back is finally feeling good enough that I'm going to get up again tomorrow and walk. I'll try to put in a couple of run cycles just to test everything. But I'm going to run the half marathon. It's already in my mind that I'm going to do it, so it's just a matter of when I'm going to run full time. This was a great weekend. Jake and I spent a lot of the day together while Julie took Sophie shopping for new school clothes. The two of us did some errands, with was awesome. I remember having days like that with Sophie and I wish I had more with Jake. I’m sure they will come. As for Soph, she's just growing up too fast. 1st grade, man. Blows me away, know what I mean. Found out my dad is having an angiogram sometime when he returns from his Ohio vacation. Budd told me that today. The fact that Beth told him, and I spoke to her for a half hour and it never came up was a little weird. But, par for course with our family. I'm a little conc...

Got a call from Beth today Beth called and we chit chatted for a few minutes until she proposed the idea that the two of us relay the marathon in January. She would walk a half marathon and I would run the other half. I think its an awesome idea. I think the two of us could raise a lot of money and really raise the interest in CF. There are some logistics that need to be worked out (I'm not sure the Carslbad marathon allows a relay team) but I'll figure it out. Having someone else from the family there, participating in the race, that would be so inspiring to me. I know that Julie would jump in if she wasn't watching the kids. I tell you, I'm pretty excited about this at the moment. I hope it works out. So far the weekend has been very nice. Jules worked today while I cleaned the house. We had the Inmans over for dinner. I really like them. I wish we hung out with them more frequently. After dinner we headed over to the park for a free concert by a Zeppelin ...

The back is feeling better. I think I'm going to run the half marathon. I know. I know. What about the legs? I don't think a half will hurt quite as much. And I do like running. The training isn't as intensive. And I know I can finish. My mind is a little all over the place. I'm worried about Karyn and her family. And it puts things into perspective, you know? I also just read about former NFL quarterback, Jim Kelly (Buffalo Bills) and his son who passed away at 8 from Krabbe disease. I had tears in my eyes just imagining the sense of loss they must feel. All of the stupid shit we worry about in life, the stress and the worry. Why? Especially when it's job related (in particular entertainment jobs). These people who get so worked up about coffee and how they are perceived. It's b.s. people! Children are dying from diseases that have no cures. And the families of these children have to find a way to go on and live with a huge pit in the stomachs. ...

2nd day of my walking training and my back is killing me. Not quite sure what I did over the weekend. Swimming too much? Carrying Megan up and down the stairs? Slouching on the couch while I watched HBO late Sunday night? Whatever, I'm in pain. Sweet Sophie. Last night I limped into the house and she said that something was wrong with her heart. I asked her what and she finally blurted out that she feels bad because my back hurts. What a kid. I don't want to complain. I know people who are in greater pain than me. Anyway, the walk this morning was nice and I feel better than yesterday morning. I think the farthest I've walked is three miles. I still get the urge to break into a jog, though. If I could feel confident that my back wouldn't feel like this every week.... Actually, I just got off the phone with Robert Mills, my illustrious marathon trainer. He suggested I switch to doing a half marathon. The idea is very appealing. I really enjoy running ha...

My first official day of the marathon walk. According to the training schedule I printed out for myself, it is a rest day, which is convenient because I did not walk this morning. We spent the weekend at Budd and Karyn's watching Megan. Budd took the two boys on a camping expedition while Karyn spent time with her mother. Karyn's mom is terminally ill. She has cancer. The other day I actually said to myself that she is dying and it seemed so much more real to me. Saying "terminally ill" gives the impression that she's going to get better. She is not. We went to see her last weekend and she seemed to be having a good day. Kathy has always been like a mother to us. When Julie and I moved west, she took us in and immediately began calling Julie her daughter. And when she tells people she has grandchildren, she tells them 10 (which includes Sophie and Jacob). I can't imagine the grief that Karyn and her sisters Ginger and Cindy, are going through. I d...