Thunderbolt

Sunday night and we’ve just returned from the Dodgers game. What a great night. We bought tickets online this afternoon and got to the game just as the National Anthem was being sung (about 5:10). The thing I like about Dodgers Stadium is that no matter where you sit you can see the game really well. The seats are very steep, but it makes up for it by giving everyone a great sight line. Our $6 seats were 5 rows from the top of the stadium. But it was really awesome. We sat in the shade and we were close to concessions. Plus, the game went really fast, with a run scoring 7th inning for the Dodgers. With a 3 run lead in the 9th, Eric Gagne, the Dodgers unstoppable closer came in to the sound of G’n’R’s “Welcome to the Jungle”. I actually got chills. T was just a really cool sp[orts moment. Makes me want to kick myself that we haven’t gone to more games in the past. Steve always tells me hgow envious he is that we live in a city with a major league baseball team. Now that we k...

It's getting late and I want to get to bed, but I have to make an entry. Today I received a donation from my sister, Beth, and her family in Columbus, Ohio. Are you ready for this? $1000. I nearly lost it when Julie told me. And when I say lost it, I nearly cried in the middle of our phone conversation. Beth and I have always had a strange relationship. She's a writer, too (and a good one, I should add) so we have that kind of creative energy inside of us. She's definitely the most spiritual person in our entire family, and she's always been one of my biggest supporters, whether it is a movie I'm shooting, or a marathon I'm training to run in. Beth contributed to the budgets of both "Mind's Eye" and "King's Highway". That $3000 I talk about, yeah, well, $1000 came from her. Sometimes it's hard for us because she's 6 years older than me and a thousand miles away. And while we don't always see eye to eye, I love he...

The day started with a 55 minute run. I tried to push myself a little this morning. I changed my intervals to 5/1, just to test my endurance a little. It felt okay, though my knees bothered me for the first time in many weeks. Don't know if that had something to do with me altering my routine or not. Felt good by the end, though, and I'm just a little tired now. As I was about to walk out the door, my brother in law, Seann (Julie's youngest sibling) called to discuss the possibilities of me screening King's Highway at Bowling Green (BGSU), where he attends school, and from where I just happen to be an alumnus. I had jokingly said to him a couple of weeks ago that we do a fundraiser by having me fly out there and screen the movie. And here he has started making arrangements. I'm thrilled. Not only could we raise some more money, but also it would be new exposure for the movie. Plus I could invite several of my friends from my BGSU days and show them what I...

Tuesday night and I'm at home enjoying a beer that I brewed myself and some quiet time before I delve back into an old script and begin yet another revision.... Actually, I'm chewing on this beer that I brewed six months ago. There is so much sediment in this bottle that I'll have to brush my teeth afterwards just to get the grit off. But I digress. Today was a rest day, so I did not run or cross train. I actually slept in this morning after staying up late to watch "Punch-Drunk Love". Adam Sandler is really good in it. I'm curious to see what he does next dramatically. He definitely has some range (never thought I'd hear myself say that). Spend part of the day stressing over my job. The company is making more cuts and I never feel like I'm safe from the axe. It's a stressful dilemma for anyone, but compounded more by the fact that we need the benefits so badly. I can't imagine trying to pay for all of the medication without insurance...

The 8 miles went well on Saturday. I discovered that waiting two days between runs is too much. My legs were way tired when I started running and it took, like, 2 miles to get loose. Never did find my stride, though. Beth definitely sets a faster pace when it's just the two of us. This morning I ran an "easy" 40, which essentially meant get your butt on the street for 40 minutes. Hopefully, Wednesday will be much smoother.' I have to start my follow up letter. Donations have tapered off... actually they've stopped completely. Need to work on that. That's all for now. A relatively mellow weekend. Jake is feeling better. I haven't spoken to Jules today, but he didn't cough when I was with him this morning, so let's pray he's out of the woods.

Okay, here's my bit about Springsteen. Hopefully it won't come off like some kind of Eric Alterman/Backstreets Magazine fanatical rant, but here's what I have to say... When Bruce Springsteen's "The Rising" came out in the summer of 2002, the nation was still reeling from the terrorist attacks on NY and DC. His album, using images and emotions tied to Sept. 11 is full of hope, loss, redemption and the affirmation of life. It's a remarkably crafted album and I consider it one of his finest. At that time in our lives, we were still coming to terms with Jacob's diagnosis. It had been over 6 months, but many of the emotions I was dealing with (or trying not to deal with) were still under the surface. I had my game face on. Then I bought this album. "The Rising" proved to be a cathartic listening experience for me. So many of the emotions I had bottled up were released when I listened to songs like "Lonesome Day", "Nothing Ma...

Rode the bike this morning. Looking forward to the 8 mile run tomorrow. Rebecca won't be there because she twisted her ankle. Expecting the hat samples from Dave early next week, that's kind of exciting, too. Jake still has that nasty cough, though I just got off the phone with him and he sounds like he isn't even sick. He can say surprise, now ("SUh-Pise"). Sophie had a great day at Pre School. I'm so proud of how well she's doing, even though it's been one week. Still, she loves it. I think it's good for her because she's finally with kids her own age.

Didn’t run this morning. I was too tired. Opted for some Yoga instead. Yesterday I did 40 minutes. I didn’t run my usual route. I think I pushed myself too hard on Tuesday and I certainly felt it. Jake is doing better. Though, he has this nasty cough. A friend of mine at Klasky Csupo told me that he had a friend of his pass away from CF recently. She was 25. Every time Jake coughs, that entered my mind. I’m trying to stop living with this cloud hanging over my head. I’m trying to focus on how well Jake is doing. I’m trying to stop thinking about death and telling myself that he’s not going to die, not from CF anyway. It’s hard. I want to be optimistic. I used to call myself that, an optimist. Now I live in the NOW. I want to believe that a cure is coming and that he’s going to beat this thing. But there’s this weight sitting on my chest that makes it difficult to believe those things. I pray to God that this passes and that I can grasp on to the hope that everyone el...

Ran this morning after yesterday’s, shall we say, self induced sickness. I did 4 miles in a little over 40 minutes using a 4 / 1 run walk pace. Felt good. I have to run at least 2 more times this week. I must admit that I'm a little nervous about the 8 miles on Saturday. I don't know why. I've done 7 before (without using the run / walk). Anyway, I’m sure it will be fine. The new shoes felt great and after about 10 minutes I got used to the running belt and the water bottle on my back. Jake has a nasty cold. His doctors put him on antibiotics yesterday, so now he gets another oral med in the morning. For any of you who are parents, you know how heartbreaking it is to hear your sick child crying. This morning Jules was putting him in the Vest and he just had that "Mom, why do we have to do this" kind of cry going on. I didn't want to leave for work when I heard that. I wanted to scoop him up and hold him. I don't know how Julie does it all day....

It's been several days since I last wrote. I finished that script last Tuesday (and promptly mowed off all of the growth on my face). Because I write long hand, I then had to endure typing the entire thing. I finally completed typing it yesterday morning. In the process I sacrificed a couple of entries and skipped a day of running. I'll tell you, one day between running is good, two is murder. My body did NOT want to get up and run last Thursday. We ran 6 miles this past Saturday and our team of 3 (Beth, Rebecca and myself) decided that we would run the marathon as a team and finish as a team. To me, that's the whole point of training together. So, when we all get to Hawaii, we'll be able to motivate one another all the way to the finish line. We run 8 miles this week. I'm a little anxious. This will definitely be the farthest I’ve ever run. I kind of feel like Sam in "Lord of the Rings" (the movie) when he stops in the fields and says to Frodo, ...

For those of you wondering where I came up with the title of my blog.... "If I Should Fall Behind" lyrics by Bruce Springsteen We said we'd walk together baby come what may That come the twilight should we lose our way If as we're walkin a hand should slip free I'll wait for you And should I fall behind Wait for me We swore we'd travel darlin' side by side We'd help each other stay in stride But each lover's steps fall so differently But I'll wait for you And if I should fall behind Wait for me Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true But you and I know what this world can do So let's make our steps clear that the other may see And I'll wait for you If I should fall behind Wait for me Now there's a beautiful river in the valley ahead There 'neath the oak's bough soon we will be wed Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees I'll wait for you And should I fall behind Wait for me Darlin' I'l...

My friend Joan Considine Johnson is a writer on the television series, DOC (on the PAX network and starring country singer Billy Ray Cyrus), and she wrote an episode that featured a storyline about CF. She sent me a tape (with a donation), which Jules and I watched last night. I'm being lazy, so I'm just going to paste the email I sent to Joan right here: ************** Joan, We received your donation and the DOC tape yesterday. Thank you so much for helping out. Julie and I watched the episode you sent last night and I thought it was very good. I like this show. I wish I watched it more. Nice job on the script, too. I like how all of the story lines had a connection. The teacher who suffered a great loss in her life ties in with the nurse and the loss she felt. The theme of parenthood between the nurse and the lawyer related to how the cop and his wife handled their son's predicament. And of course, all of this, loss and parenthood tied into the girl with CF, who...

The weekends seem to be the most difficult time to sit down and write. The whole day kind revolves around spending time with the kids and doing whatever housework needs to get done. The nighttime is generally the only time Jules and I get to spend together. However, since I'm working on this script, we didn't even get to do that. On Saturday we ran 5 miles as a team. Beth, the latest edition to the CF team, ran with Rebecca and me. She completed a half marathon a couple of weeks ago, so she's got a little more experience than me. She sets a good pace, so I think it will be good to run with her. We had to run up this gnarly hill... treacherous is more like it. Besides going straight up, I thought the thing was completely unsafe to run down. There were so many rocks (BIG rocks) that one slip could have meant stitches. Listen to me, complaining like a big baby. The run walk method is really working out. Those five miles we ran on Saturday were easier than any of the 5...

I want to take some time to talk about my daughter, Sophie. With this marathon and all of the information about CF and my feelings being laid out, I wanted to make sure that my wonderful little daughter isn’t EVER forgotten. Sophie has been so wonderful with Jacob and she really shows so much compassion for what he’s going through. I often worry that she may think we’re paying special attention to Jacob when we’re not dealing with the CF related issues. Sophie had her own little scare when she was born. In fact, she stopped breathing the night she was born and spent 10 days in the ICU. In a strange sort of way, our experiences with Sophie’s birth actually prepared me mentally for when Jacob was in the ICU. When she came home from the hospital, she had to wear a breathing monitor that wrapped around her chest. An alarm would go off every time she breathed irregularly. It was a really distressful time for us. Every time that alarm sounded, you thought you think your child has s...

A respiratory therapist stopped by the house tonight to go over the Vest with us. It was very helpful and I think we have a better understanding of how it works and what we’re supposed to do if the thing ever breaks down. Although the kids were running around screaming, wound up from a late afternoon nap, Jules was able to focus on what the woman was telling us. I just want to say that I am so lucky to have such a wonderful woman for a wife. Not only is she a wonderful mother and a loving wife, but also she's so on top of things when it comes to all of the medicines and Jacob’s treatments. On top of that, she’s very sensitive to Sophie’s feelings and trying to include her. This may come off sounding strange since we’ve been married for 9 ½ years, but I am still amazed at times that someone like Julie is actually in love with me. And I find myself stepping back at times and going, “wow, I can’t believe she just said that, or did that.” The other day we were discussing the tri...

Sorry about that little outburst. It will interesting to count how many times I write "I hate this fucking disease" before I'm done with the Marathon. Let's make it a game, shall we? The winner receives a free copy of KING'S HIGHWAY. I have now watched Spike Jonze and Charles Kaufman's "Adaptation" one and a half times. The thing about Spike Jonze (and he's only directed 2 features) is that he is able to tap into the sadness of every day life and still instill hope. I found myself very moved by Adaptation (and parts of "Being John Malkovich" as well). I am eager to see what he does next. I have no doubt it will be wonderful and intelligent. I think that's what's troubling me right now about doing this script for Ryan (Johnson...producer of KH); I want to do something with meaning. I want to do something with heart. It's difficult to pull that off in any writing, let alone something I'm trying to get done in 2 we...

Didn't run this morning. I was so exhausted from trying to write the script and running early in the morning. Something had to give. Unfortunately, I have to complete the script by next week; I have 20 more weeks of running to recover form this morning. (Editors note. My grammar is terrible. My last true grammar teacher was Jan Denman, my 12th Grade AP English teacher. I dread the day he may look at this web log, I also rely on Steve, my closest friend outside of Julie. I dread the day he looks at this site too). Anyway..... Last night Jake did his first treatment with the Vest. We haven't been formally "trained" on it yet (that happens tonight), but we watched the informative VHS tape that came with it. We're supposed to work our way up to Jake wearing it 20 minutes/ twice a day. Well the champ did a 15 minute treatment last night. Jules was teary eyed when she went to bed last night. There were moments during the treatment when he would look back at h...

Yesterday was hell. And I didn't even run. Long day at work and Julie had her first, of many I'm sure, battles with the insurance company. We received a wonderful bill from the hospital of which we'll be expected to pay 80%. But most importantly, we received Jacob's Vest. The Vest is this remarkable device that CF patients use for their PT (Percussive Treatments). It plugs in to the wall and then uses air pressure to pound on the person's chest and back. As the name indicates, it slips over their head like a vest. We learned last week that Jake would be receiving it. That news was kind of... strange. And when we had it in our homes... well, it was another one of those moments inwhich I felt overwhelmed by the weight of this disease. You see, it's like you have these moments when you kind of forget that there's anything wrong with your child. At least, I have those moments. Generally it happens during family events when I'm watching Jake play wi...

Last Friday was the 11th Anniversary of my first date with Julie. I like having this alternate anniversary since it was on that first date that I knew I was going to marry her. Our first date was a movie, "Unlawful Entry" starring Kurt Russell, Madeline Stowe and Ray Liotta. It's ironic that our first date ws this type of tense thriller because Julie hates these kind of movies (our second movie together was "Unforgiven", that's two violent gems in a row). After the film, we stopped at Arturos where we had a couple of beers and I had some wings. Then we went to some dive bar located next to the North Olmsted water tower where we drank and talked for a long time. For some reason she drove that night (her VW Fox, which we owned until 1999, when it died in the middle of an intesection with Sophie in the backseat... one of the worst mornings of my life), and she took me home after all of our drinks. We talked a little more and then I asked her if I could ki...

It's Sunday night and I'm writing from home. We drove up to Santa Barbara yesterday and spent the night. It was awesome. I'm really glad we decided to do it as we rarely take a vacation just the four of us. It was just nice to get away, even if it was for 2 days. While in Santa Barbara, we went to the beach, then walked around downtown where they were having a Spanish Heritage Festival. The streets were packed. Then we adjorned to our overpriced motel and pretty much crashed early. This morning we went out to breakfast at IHOP, yes, The International House of Pancakes. We finished our trip off by visiting the zoo for a couple of hours. I like the Santa Barbara zoo because you get really close to the animals. The kids had a great time. After the zoo, we hit the road. It's only an hour and a half drive, so it wasn't bad at all. The Marathon Training group met again yesterday morning. Robert Mills is our instructor and he's really inspiring. I've...

Didn't write yesterday. I was working on getting a package together for the Sundance Film Festival. Trying to keep a low key approach to entering KING'S HIGHWAY into festivals. In particular, the Sundance Festival. I really don't think the movie will get accepted, but there's that little piece of me that's holding out some hope. For those of you unfamiliar with KING'S HIGHWAY (KH), it's a feature length movie I wrote and directed. It stars Geoff Stults, who has appeared on "7th Heaven" and "Dragnet", Lori Heuring, who starred in a popular thriller called "The In-Crowd" and appeared in David Lynch's "Mulholland Dr.", Ryan Alosio, who was in "The Hi-Line" opposite Rachel Leigh Cook (remember her?) and a funny guy named John DiResta, who was in "Miss Congeniality", "15 Minutes" (opposite De Niro) and has his own series on FX premiering tonight called "Trash for Cash". We shot th...